Maelstrom 14 Drunk
by illmatar
Summary: Contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into cliches.
1. Chapter 1

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part A 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part A

Optimus kicked his desk.

The dent it left was not satisfying so he kicked it again.

Better, but now his foot had a dent of similar proportions.

He sighed and tried to get ready for the party, which in his case basically meant getting his emotions in order. He had been to see Kup and was somehow not in the mood for celebrating. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had failed the old warrior somehow, and Rodimus too. Just a few moments talking to Kup had convinced Optimus the friendship between Kup and Rodimus was entirely ruptured - probably forever. Something in Kup was ruptured too. Lancer had weakened the veteran's spirit in a way millions of years of war had not. She had shattered his confidence. Still, it was Rodimus who had struck the death blow to Kup's self-esteem.

Optimus shook his head and sighed again. He understood Rodi's justifiable anger, but Optimus knew he could never have brought himself to be so unrelenting, no matter the provocation. Then again, there was something hard at Rodimus' core Optimus didn't really want to understand.

Elita came up quietly behind him, although today she was courteous enough to make noises to warn him of her approach. Her arms slipped around him and he felt her cheek against his back.

"Orion we have to go."

"I know." Neither of them moved.

"Don't worry so much. They may glare at each other a while, but the air's been cleared at last. Maybe they'll patch it up," Elita said.

"You don't know Rodimus as well as I do. He holds on to things with unprecedented stubbornness...and Kup pushed him WAY too far," Optimus said with resignation. If only Edana hadn't been involved.....

It was Elita's turn to sigh. "Let's go," she finally said.

The party was being held in one of Cybertron's banquet halls used for entertaining foreign dignitaries - which meant it was huge, elegant, and pretentious. Jazz had cordoned off over half the room to create a more intimate setting for a gathering of friends. It was the only decision the Specialist had made that Optimus agreed with. The open half was decorated (or perhaps defaced) with such an array of colors that all illusions of pretension were shattered. Optimus wondered if his optics wouldn't shatter also. There were streamers, banners, balloons (BALLOONS?!) strung all over the towering walls. It took hundreds of them to not appear dwarfed on the massive walls (high even for Autobot standards), and Optimus seriously questioned his decision to give Jazz free rein on the expense account. Such a vast quantity of embellishments would have been costly on Earth. Add that to the cost of importing them....... And then the table caught his eye.

Optimus felt a brief moment of lightheadedness. He sized up the arriving humans and Pagan ( None of the others would be attending. Claudia was still recuperating from her run-in with Kup, and Jordan refused to leave her. Kain had ignored the invitation.) The array of mysterious food-stuffs was longer than Prime's trailer, and he seriously doubted they could consume more food than their combined body-mass no matter how hungry they were.

The final straw came in the form of a forty foot, hand-painted banner reading "Congrats to The M & M's on their Engagement". The phrasing was bad enough, but the banner also sported a picture of a red M&M with long, wavy hair, and a red, white, and blue M&M. They were connected at the ankles by a heavy chain. Optimus was very dubious about this. Jazz had obviously painted it himself and the artistry was marginal at best. Optimus thought it was, perhaps, in marginal good taste as well, and more than a little worried it would spark another feud between two of his people. The humans apparently thought it was hysterical however since most of them laughed as soon as they spied it coming in. The laughter of the newcomers also usually set off those who had been there a while all over again. This meant there was a rash of room-wide hysteria every time a new group of humans arrived.

Optimus didn't understand them, which was why, he supposed, he had been foolish enough to let Jazz handle this. He took another look at the banner and caught himself smiling. The red, white and blue M&M was wearing a stoic, but rather befuddled look that somehow managed to make it seem rather petrified. It was a little funny.

When Ultra Magnus stepped into the room with Marissa wearing the identical expression, Optimus suddenly and unexpectedly found himself in hysterics with the rest of them. Some of his pessimism faded.

Watching Magnus irritably deflecting sarcastic barbs from Rodimus and Jazz and then make a bee-line for the food didn't hurt either. It reminded Optimus that some people DID recover from deep wounds. Lancer too struck him with how uninhibited and happy she seemed. Although he couldn't have said exactly what was different, Optimus noted she was more open, especially with Rodimus. Even the way they held hands seemed more intimate, as if the flesh became fused where it met.

Blaster arrived with the "tunes" as he called them, and Optimus began hoping for another diplomatic crisis to retreat to.

It was an interesting night all in all for Optimus. He witnessed Lancer frisking down Talon and removing a large container from under his shirt. She took a long sniff of the contents, pronounced it whiskey and gave Talon a solid smack on the back of the head.

"I told you NO booze! We have no idea how it will affect the Autobots who spend time as humans!" she said testily.

"Aw, come on girl! We need to spice this party up! It's dull!" Talon said, reaching for his bottle.

"DULL?!" Jazz cried, offended.

"Any party with no booze is automatically dull," Talon said, as though it were obvious.

"Oh, you want excitement eh? Well fine! I'll give you some!" Lancer said with a horrible grin.

"No Girl! Don't do it!"

"FIRE ONE!" Lancer cried, tossing the bottle , cap off, high into the air (very carefully away from everyone else.)

Talon watched the shimmering, clear arc of liquid spill out from the mouth of the metal container in slow motion. It was beautiful, and sparkling - right up until the point where Lancer's lance intercepted it and combusted it in a brilliant flash. The was a loud *pop* as the flames hit the free falling canister. By the time it hit the ground, every drop of his precious whiskey was vaporized and his flask was warped and blackened by the heat. Talon stared at it as if at the corpse of an old friend.

"Oh, you didn't tell me there were going to be fireworks, Jazz!" Marissa said, laughing.

"MY BOOZE!" Talon mourned.

"Yes your booze," Lancer said. "Now, as I am not entirely stupid, hand over the other one and nobody gets hurt!" Rodimus laughed.

"No way girl! Not if you're gonna toast it again!" Talon said.

"OK. I won't toast it!. Hand it over and let me see what you brought, and then I'll even give it back to you if you promise not to spike the punch with it. ALL OF IT, or the deal is off."

Talon sighed. "Girl you have lost all of your sense of adventure. Must be this settled domesticated life you've bought into." He appeared to think about it for a minute and then handed her two smaller flasks. Optimus didn't even want to think about where the man had hidden them. Lancer didn't appear satisfied, and Talon glared at her.

"That's it!" he asserted.

"Uh-huh. Like you didn't EXPECT me to search you!"

Talon glared.

Lancer waited.

Finally, reluctantly, he handed her another small, small flask.

Lancer smirked at him and sniffed it. She flinched. "Ooo this is the good stuff!"

"Yeah, now give it back."

"Do you promise not to try anything with it!"

"Yeah! Hand it over! Quit snickering Red! I know when I'm beat!" Talon grumbled.

"I believe your promise!" Lancer said, "Do you know why?"

"Because you trust me with your life?" Talon said.

"No, try again," Lancer said.

"Because I'm so adorable?" Talon tried, making puppy-eyes at her.

"Nope," Lancer said.

"I don't know then," Talon claimed.

"I trust you, because Mayhem is going to seal these bottles closed!" Lancer said with a smug smile, handing them all to KC. KC didn't even appear to concentrate. She just took the flasks with a sweet smile, and handed them to Talon almost at once. He inspected his bottles and realized to his horror that the the caps were no longer separate pieces from the rest of the them.

"I reinforced the sides too," KC said, still sweetly smiling, "So don't even try to punch through them. You'll only hurt yourself."

By this point Rodimus was far from the only one laughing. Talon pouted, and went to drown his sorrows at the buffet table. He pointedly avoided the punch bowl. The crowd, which now included Marissa's dazed parents, Blurr, Springer and Arcee, Robert, Perceptor, and First Aid, laughed, and teased him. Malice and Shellshock drifted unobtrusively in while this went on, but Optimus noticed, and tried not to embarrass them by staring. It was hard.

He noted that the humans had apparently had enough of letting Magnus and Talon have the food to themselves, and the rest of them formed a line along the table, grabbing this and that at random. Optimus wondered what it would be like to have so many choices in sustenance, and had a mental debate over whether to be grateful or jealous he didn't have to waste that much time deciding. Elita brought him an energon cube, and he was glad to at least have something to look at besides Shellshock, who always seemed to be where Op's optics ended up. Coincidence naturally. He consumed his cube a little more rapidly than usual and Elita put a restraining hand on his arm.

"They're stronger than usual, be careful...unless you want to over-energize tonight," she cautioned.

"Err...no. I just wasn't paying attention." Optimus said, a little embarrassed. Was it the fact he had gotten careless or the fact Elita didn't seem like she would be too surprised if he did have plans to over-energize?

"Ah. So in other words you were worrying," Elita said. "I thought we talked about enjoying ourselves tonight and saving fretting for tomorrow. It is a party after all."

The party began winding down shortly BEFORE midnight. Marissa's parents were already tired from the trip to Cybertron, and wanted to go to their rooms to sleep. Carly and Spike were also tired and both had full schedules for the next day, and while Daniel didn't want to leave his mother firmly reminded him of his courses early the next morning. Even Marissa gave him a slightly evil eye about it. Daniel was usually pretty conscientious about his standing as an EDC cadet, but he didn't take it as seriously as she had. To the Autobots, with the possible exception of Jazz, parties happened when they happened. The time of day meant next to nothing, start or finish. Lancer was thinking about the baby, who was smiling, but yawning, and when Edana got tired she let the world know..

Talon was completely incensed.

"WHAT D'YA MEAN YOU'RE GOIN' HOME?" he cried when Lancer and Rodi tried to call it a night.

"We're going home. We've got a baby to look after if you remember." Lancer said, holding her daughter up as if to demonstrate. Rodi just grinned with obnoxious pride.

"Hmmph," Talon grunted. "You've really gotten yourself tamed down good, girl." Talon said. "It just ain't right goin' home before say, 6 am."

Lancer stuck her tongue out at him.

"What 'bout you?" Talon said to Rodimus. "You ready to call it a night? This's SUPPOSED to be a gettin' hitched party and there weren't even booze."

"Well..." Rodimus said, "I'm not tired, but then I wasn't planning on sleeping when I got home anyway." He winked at Talon and smirked at Lancer. She hit him.

"You'll be riding the couch if you don't watch your mouth, Mister," she told him. He pretended to pout, but knew she wouldn't follow through. Talon didn't know that however. He just thought it was a sad case of female domination, and when Magnus and Marissa also announced they were calling it a night he hit the ceiling.

"THE HENS'VE CRUSHED THE ROOSTERS!" he cried. "I'M ANNOUNCING A JAIL BREAK! YOU BOYS NEED A REAL MAN TO SHOW YOU HOW THE NIGHT IS DONE!"

"A REAL man?" Magnus asked, his voice dangerously quiet.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" Talon pronounced. "It's boys night out! It's a cryin' shame. None of you boys had a taste of what's it like to be a bachelor. Y'all immediately fell into the clutches of some female. Ya need a taste of freedom before ya get your feathers clipped for all time."

Jazz cocked his head with curiosity. Magnus looked skeptical. Rodimus laughed.

"You'd better watch it Talon. Keep talking like that and you might find more than your feathers clipped. I hear that the hens around here are particularly vicious," Rodi said. Lancer hit him again. "See what I mean?"

"Red, you are already a lost cause. Ya got a female on the brain. Hopeless. Ya obviously don't know how t' have fun at all. But Stick here," Talon said, hitting Magnus on the arm, (Magnus' eyes widened) still has a chance before Legs chains 'im down."

"Stick?!" Marissa cried.

"Legs....." Magnus rumbled.

Talon entirely ignored them, and continued addressing Rodimus. "This ole boy needs a night on the town to loosen 'im up. Why don't you just go on home and play house with Lancer since ya obviously got no spunk fer a REAL party!"

Jazz laughed. "Ooo, that's hitting below the belt! And I've been human long enough to know what that means now!"

Rodimus raised an eyebrow. He felt Lancer's fervent warnings, but some challenges can't be ignored. The day Hot Rod couldn't party.... "What do you have in mind?" he asked.

Lancer rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. Marissa looked at her mate and felt similar resignation. Magnus was irritated, but he was also curious. KC didn't even concern herself with wondering whether or not Jazz would go. It was a foregone conclusion that he would participate in anything he hadn't already tried. Good. That meant she didn't have to think of an excuse to get him to go home.

"Oh you'll see!" Talon said, sounding like an old-time movie villain and rubbing his hands together. "And so will you," Talon said to Shellshock as he and Malice walked past.

Shellshock froze in his tracks. He stared at Talon. Pure disbelief he was even being considered for this venture let an actual sentence escape before he could stop it.

"And I will what?" he asked.

"And you will see what I have in mind! Come on! You need to get off that stuffy ship!" Talon said, as if there was no possible way he could be denied.

Shellshock's mind locked up. It was an absurd notion that he would or even could do this. He wanted to get out of here. Mostly, he wanted away from the Autobots, whose optics followed him even if they had learned not to address him. He had done his duty and come to this stressful get-together in honor of Magnus' engagement, but when he opened his mouth to say "no" he felt just one more set of eyes on him.

Rodimus was looking at him. Rodimus was wondering what he would say. Shellshock didn't sense any pressure one way or another from the young Prime, but just the fact that Rodimus was wondering made it hard for Shellshock to decline. He knew Rodimus was worried about him, even though Rodi was far and away the least intrusive about it. Maybe that was the problem. The others might wonder what Shellshock had been through, but Rodi knew. More than anyone. More than even Malice. Rodi knew... and Shellshock knew Rodimus didn't ask because he didn't need to. The young Prime just wondered if Shellshock could stand to be near him. The answer was very nearly no, but even now some part of Shellshock couldn't let Rodimus know that.

"Alright," he said reluctantly, seeing Malice nearly faint from shock. Clutching to Lancer's mind for support, Rodi's eyes widened slightly. He was glad she was there to help him keep it to that. Jazz and Magnus exchanged glances, while Malice stared at Shellshock as if he'd grown a third eye. She didn't say anything about it though - she just hoped this trip wouldn't turn out to be a major set-back for Shellshock.

Lancer took Talon aside for a moment, and spent a while with him in a corner. Looking on next to Marissa and Rodimus by the table, Magnus noticed some rather violent gestures on Lancer's part. "What is she saying to him?" Magnus asked Lancer's mate.

"She's telling him nicely to keep us out of trouble, and not so nicely to keep us far, far from anything alcoholic since we don't know how we'll handle it," Rodimus said, with a faint smile. He thought Lancer was amusing, but he was still off-balance by Shellshock's agreement to go along. He didn't know what to make of that at all.

"Ah," Magnus said, taking note that Lancer was showing Talon some talons - a few at eye level, and a few more at, well, at crotch level. Magnus winced a little, knowing he would be facing those nails in a few days.

"Looks like you guys SHOULD be pretty safe," Marissa said doubtfully. Magnus could tell she was also a little amused by Lancer, but still a bit dubious about this little excursion.

"Ok boys! Let's go have some fun!" Talon said, coming towards them with Lancer glowering from behind.

Rodi. You MAKE SURE he doesn't try anything, Lancer sent. She didn't trust Talon where this was concerned, not really. She only hoped the memories her mate had from her were enough to arm him against Talon's tricks. Aloud she said, "I'm only agreeing to this because Robert is going along!"

Oh, he'll try something. I just have to be sure he doesn't succeed. Rodi sent, amused by his mate's fears. He could handle Talon, or at least that's what he thought.

"What, you think I can stop him?" Robert asked incredulously.

"Yes, but that isn't the point. You don't have to handle him...you just have to TELL on him."

"Oh," said Robert, "OK."

As it turned out, Rodi could handle Talon just fine. It was Shellshock he couldn't handle. As for Robert, well, he was just out of his league.

X

X

X

Things started off very quietly - and very tensely. Rodimus provided the transportation to the human sectors and had himself in a fine stew long before they got there. He fretted over what he saw as "rubbing in" his ability to return to robot form in front of Shellshock. It brought a sharp focus on how much better off he was than his nearly silent friend. Rodimus thought about his time with the Jabez with no fondness - but he had a mate and a baby to show for it at least. Shellshock had nothing of the sort, and was not even healed enough to pretend to behave normally. Visions of their mutual torture came back to haunt the young Prime - not as flashbacks for once, but as conscious memory. The pain he remembered only served as a measuring stick for the greater suffering of his friend. When they finally got to the bars behind the spaceports, Rodimus let them all out, slipped into the shadows, and went human, overwhelmed by guilt.

Jazz and Magnus got one look at the mask Rodi had made of his face and sighed in unison. They exchanged a long, long-suffering glance. Magnus put a hand on Rodi's shoulder, and knew it was bad when Rodi actually yelped. Shellshock pretended not to notice, although Robert did give Rodi a surprised, questioning look. Talon, drinking in the sights and smells of "civilization" as he dubbed it, was oblivious.

Magnus took a long whiff of the air and wanted to gag. The alley smelled like urine and stale vomit, leading Magnus to conclude that Talon must be quite, quite insane for thinking it smelled good. Magnus was sorry he'd let a few dubious remarks concerning his manhood drag him into this. Made no sense at all when you weren't even technically a "man" to begin with. The City Commander was also a bit worried because he was used to relying on Rodimus when in strange, human situations, and he sensed the young Prime was ready to panic. Certainly, Rodi's mind was not on the situation at hand.

Shellshock followed Talon without a word towards the lights of the nearest, reeking bar. Robert sighed and did the same. Jazz fairly bounced his way in - he could hear the music and little things like an upset commander weren't going to make much of an impression. The Specialist had been in plenty of night-clubs since becoming human, but each one was different, and he sensed this one was more different than most. Magnus just wondered why the word "Girls" was plastered all over everything.

They entered the dim construction, and Magnus found himself holding his breath again. He was pleased to note that Rodi and Robert were doing the same so at least he wasn't alone. There was so much smoke it was obvious that whoever patronized this place needed something other than oxygen to breathe. There was a dance floor, a bar that circled the room on three sides, and a raised platform that extended out from the back to the center of the room. Except for the dance area, the rest of the available space was filled with little tables of dubious cleanliness and chairs of dubious sturdiness. Filling many of those chairs were mostly human men, a few off-worlders from neighboring systems, and even some travelers from deeper space. The only common theme was that they all inspected the new-comers suspiciously, and they all looked mean.

Magnus wasn't at all concerned about the attitudes of the bar's friendly customers. The chairs did have him a bit concerned however. Magnus looked at the assembly of bodies they had brought with them - none of them were exactly small for human males. Even Robert probably weighed a good bit, though his body spoke more of days and nights at a computer console than of fighting strength.

Talon was busy rearranging tables as if he owned the place. He put three together to get enough chairs to accommodate them all, took a long look at Magnus and Shellshock and added a fourth....they'd need the extra room. The tables were really meant for one, or two at best. As he pulled chairs up to his little arrangement, Magnus went along behind him pulling them out, testing their sturdiness, and rejecting most of them.

Rodimus confirmed both of Magnus' worries by sitting in one of the chairs Magnus hadn't checked yet. First, it was obvious Rodi was in bad shape because he was too out of it to check the chair himself, and it proved itself less than sturdy when it collapsed under him immediately. The young Prime yelped (again!) in surprise and snapped out of it, inspecting his surroundings and the remains of his chair. The look of stunned amazement on his face did nothing to make him appear intelligent.

Looking up into Magnus' glowering face, Rodi gave an embarrassed smile and shrugged.

"Are you back with us?" Magnus wanted to know.

Rodi's smile faded, but he nodded.

"Good, because Jazz is off in his own little world, and I don't trust this lunatic," Magnus said.

"I am NOT a lunatic!" Talon insisted, "And I can't think of anyone who needs a night out more than you do Stick! Right Red?"

"I am NOT getting into this one Talon!" Rodimus said, picking himself up off the floor. He contemplated dusting off his clothes, but wasn't sure he wanted to touch what was coating them. Rodimus looked around and found his Specialist already captivated by the flashing lights and the music. Apparently Jazz found strobes hypnotic. Rodi sighed, and tried not to notice Shellshock's furtive glance. They were both trying to pretend nothing was wrong, and they were both failing miserably. He wished he could just find the heart to come right out and say something openly, but he couldn't. Even MAGNUS was on to them for pity's sake. Rodimus sighed, and choose a chair more carefully this time. He also had to pretend not to notice some of the other patrons pretending not to notice them. What a cheery place Talon had chosen.

The music picked up a notch, and the house lights got even dimmer (if that was possible). The lights along the edge of the run-way lit up, and Magnus suddenly understood the signs outside.

"A STRIP-BAR! Geez Talon! Do you have a death wish?!" Rodimus exclaimed.

"Now Red. You can look, as long as you don't touch! Right?!" Talon said innocently. He batted his eyes at them.

Rodi smacked his forehead and groaned. Somehow, Lancer would find a way to blame HIM for this too!

"Rodimus, is it usual for human women to dance without clothes in public?" Magnus asked. He was worried Marissa might do this if he ever went dancing with her away from Central. He'd been a bit embarrassed when Lancer had commandeered him for "lessons" at the party, but dancing with Marissa had been fun once they had both gotten the hang of it. At least he hadn't stepped on her toes like he had on Lancer's. She'd thrown her hands up in disgust and gone off to dance next to her mate. Rodi hadn't danced with her though - he danced with Edana. However, if Marissa had any intention of going dancing anywhere sans-uniform, Magnus didn't think he could handle it.

"NO! Of course it isn't!" Rodimus said, aghast at the suggestion. "These girls are employed by this bar for..... entertainment." Robert snickered.

"Perhaps they need to earn their uniforms?" Magnus suggested. It made sense to him...at least until the girl shed the few thin strips of material she had on.

Robert lost it completely, and Talon shook his head.

"You are a sad, sad case," Talon said regretfully. Shellshock sat down a few seats from Rodimus - not right next to him, but also not across the table where they would have to look at each other. Magnus sat down between them, for which Rodi threw him a grateful smile. Jazz seemed completely zoned - off on some other dimension where the music had carried him. He was alone on the dance floor having a good time by himself.

"I don't understand this," Magnus said. The stripper was now nude, and doing odd things to the poles on the stage.

"Well," Rodimus said, "Look at the other men here. They find this a turn on."

Magnus did look, and noted the other tight knots of men were watching the stage like a pack of predatory animals. He had been human long enough to recognize the signs of lust - he just didn't recognize the inspiration, not really.

"Do they know that woman?" Magnus asked.

"I doubt it," Rodi told him.

"Then why do they find her so attractive?" Magnus asked. "They don't even know what she's like."

Robert's head hit the table, and Rodi couldn't help but smile. Magnus was cute when he was naive.

"They don't care what she's like. They just want to look at her body," Rodi explained.

"Oh," Magnus said. He looked at the dancer. She was slim and agile, and doing some things he didn't know were possible with her form. He had to admit to a certain admiration for her coordination and muscle tone, but he still didn't really see the point. "I still don't really understand. How can you be attracted to someone you don't know?"

"Well," Rodimus said, "I really don't understand that either, but you forget most human males don't have the control we do. To them, its more a matter of instinct, and it doesn't take much more than a nice figure to get them going."

"Oh." Magnus said again. "That's rather primitive isn't it?"

"I'd say that sums it up," Rodimus said with a laugh. Robert was having convulsions at the far end of the table. "Breath Robert!" Rodi snickered.

"Hmmph," Magnus said, not seeing the humor.

"OK, look," Rodimus suggested, "How would you feel if MARISSA put on a show like that for you?"

"Oh," Magnus said, rather stunned by that image. "That might work," he mused, staring at the stripper and chewing his lip.

"MIGHT?! What are you made of? Concrete?" Talon cried, and looked at them as if they were completely insane. "Ya'll are hopeless! It may be too late for even MY expertise to make a difference! I gotta try though! There outta be a law! OK! The first round is on me!"

"Talon..." Rodimus said warningly. "I know what alcohol tastes like, so don't try anything!"

"One beer isn't gonna hurt y'all," Talon said with a worse drawl than usual. "Come on tough guy. Maybe it will help Stick there understand th' wonders of nature!"

Magnus glared at him. Talon was stupidly unfazed.

"Go get Mr. Disco over there. I'll be right back," Talon said.

Continued in Part B


	2. Chapter 2

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part B 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part B

Rodimus contemplated going with Talon to supervise, but it meant passing Shellshock. He stayed where he was while Magnus led Jazz (by the arm) back to the table. He tried not to look like he was trying not to look Shellshock's direction, and studied some of the other occupants in the room. He noted (not looking at Shellshock at all of course,) that Shellshock was similarly studying the other side of the room. He wondered if the big golden man knew not to make eye contact. Men like these often took that as a challenge or a threat, but Rodimus couldn't bring himself to ask. Fortunately, Magnus soon plunked his big body between them again, allowing Rodimus to stubbornly rely on the "Out of sight, out of mind" principle.

Jazz looked a little miffed at being called away from his dancing, but was consoled by the idea of something new to try. He sat down right across from Shellshock...a totally unconscious and natural act of acceptance on his part that made Shellshock reel a little.

The golden man felt a little ashamed of his hate for his people. True, they had a real problem with arrogance and complacency, but that was obviously changing, at least amongst the command staff, and even at their worst, they never MEANT any harm. They really did believe they were doing the right thing. The fact that Jazz accepted him so easily meant they COULD adapt. Certainly, the Specialist's heart was in the right place. Magnus as dealing with things calmly as he always did, and Rodi...well.... Shellshock shut his eyes. He never had blamed Rodimus at all, not really. How could he fault his commander for not knowing any better? The image of Rodimus throwing himself against the restraints resurfaced. Rodimus had never stopped straining...had never shut down to retreat from the pain. Maybe he hadn't known how to save them both. Maybe he hadn't lived up to Goldbug's little fantasies that the Prime's always had a solution...but that stupid idea wasn't Rodi's fault was it? And he certainly had never given up trying.... Shellshock shuddered, knowing that stubbornness had ended in real psychosis for Rodi. Shellshock wished somehow he could tell Rodimus that he didn't blame him, and was grateful Rodimus had found Goldbug worth going insane for....but Shellshock couldn't. Not yet.

Someone plunked a glass of foaming, foul smelling liquid in front of him, startling him a little.

"OK, boys. Drink your medicine!" Talon sang.

Rodimus sniffed his drink suspiciously. "I don't know. Smells a bit strong. What do you think Robert?"

Robert coughed. "Rodi, you are not exactly talking to an expert here. I don't get out much and when I do it's always because Talon forces me. However, I DO know most of us take Lancer's threats pretty seriously."

Rodimus looked thoughtfully at Talon. "I suppose. She threatened to feed him his balls on little skewers you know. And I know he knows she meant it...." he paused, giving Talon time to remember the threat and reconsider any treachery. Talon smiled, all innocence.

There was a distinct slurping sound. "Ugh..." Jazz said with a smile, "That's nasty, man." He took another enthusiastic swig, made a face, and took another. Foam got all over his upper lip and he licked it off with a great care.

Magnus looked dubiously down at the foaming swill in front of him. "And this fetid material is called what, exactly?"

"It's called beer exactly," Talon said, mimicking Magnus' tone. "It's a man's drink. Be careful."

"Someone around here had better be careful anyway," Rodi muttered under his breath, noting the look on Magnus face.

Magnus looked from Talon to his drink and back again. He noted Robert's careful sips, and Jazz's hesitation between each taste.

"Can't be worse than tabasco sauce," he muttered, threw his head back, and downed the entire glass in a few huge swallows. He had to agree with Jazz. It WAS nasty. He repressed a shudder, and was a little worried about how hot his stomach felt. Magnus would never, of course, give Talon the satisfaction of admitting he was uncomfortable....the irritating human had made enough disparaging remarks already.

Rodimus noted, with some surprise, that Shellshock's glass also hit the table, empty, seconds later. He tasted his own drink and was not at all surprised to find it revolting. He found most things revolting anyway, but even Lancer hated beer. Faced with eating and drinking however, Rodimus always found it was better to get it over with quickly. He downed his glass too, and felt the burn hit his gut. It worried him a little. As far as his Lancer acquired memories were concerned, beer didn't usually burn that much. That was for stronger drinks. Maybe it was just that his pristine Autobot's body was unused to such things in any form. Was it his imagination or did Talon seem a little nervous that they had all made such quick work of things? (Besides Jazz of course, who was taking his time and savoring every disgusting mouthful. Leave it to the Specialist to even enjoy things that tasted bad.)

Rodimus leaned forward onto the table and waited for the burning sensation to pass. It didn't. In fact, he was soon painfully aware that it had passed his stomach into his intestines. Not a pleasant feeling, knowing exactly where your intestines were. No indeedy. Jazz eventually finished off his drink, and got back up to dance again. Jazz put even more strut in that walk than usual. That was a odd wasn't it? He seemed to be weaving a little. True, he had to pick his way through the tables, and puddles of spilled drinks (at least Rodi hoped they were spilled drinks!) but Jazz seemed to be over-compensating the clearance he needed to navigate these pitfalls. It was like Jazz to swagger, but it wasn't like him to overdo it. Hmmm.

Rodi sighed, and rested his chin on his hand. Maybe Talon was right. Maybe Rodi really HAD lost the ability to relax and have fun. He'd of had to if he was worrying about JAZZ strutting his stuff. Glancing up at Magnus only made Rodi feel more depressed. Here was the Autobot's City Commander, fresh out of being possessed and catatonic, actually smiling and slouching in his seat. It was almost insulting if ULTRA MAGNUS knew how to relax better than Hot Rod - even if Rodi WASN'T technically Hot Rod anymore. Jazz was no surprise, but Magnus?! What was the world coming too? It was enough to make your head spin...and spin some more. At least the heat in his stomach had finally faded to a sort of diffuse glow.

It didn't help that Shellshock was there, naturally. Rodi resolved to behave totally naturally around Shellshock from that point on, and felt very proud of this decision. He sent it at Lancer so she could be proud of it too.

Back in their quarters, Lancer felt a wave of emotion from her mate that didn't make much sense. It had to do with Shellshock though, so she wasn't too surprised about the garbled nature of it. She sent Rodimus back a comforting pulse to reassure him she was still there, and that she would help him handle himself if flashbacks threatened. Rodi rejoined with a wave of gratitude that seemed a little out of proportion, even given the circumstances, but he didn't seem too upset. Lancer shook her head, and went back to getting ready for bed.

Meanwhile, Shellshock was now blatantly scrutinizing the other guests at the bar. He stared at them so long and so hard that even those most distracted by the dancer were forced to notice him. It was annoying to some, infuriating to others, and unnerving to all to find those strange, gleaming gold eyes penetrating the darkness and haze as if to peel through the layers of their souls. Only a madman did such things in a place where many were in the practice of hiding their identities and whereabouts. Many of them had secrets, great and small - from respectable positions which could be lost to a place like this, loving wives who would be appalled they were here, to other less benign secrets like drug-trafficking and slave running. Even those who had nothing to hide were uneasy with a man who seemed to be committing every detail of their face to memory.

Shellshock noticed their annoyance the way some people notice when a stray dog scratches a flea....in other words he made note of it, but it changed his behavior not one whit. He was wondering what part any of them had in the slave trade. They all looked guilty to him.

Rodimus, in an effort to show how totally naturally he was now behaving around Shellshock, leaned way, way forward to see him around Magnus' bulk. He almost had to put his head on the table to get a totally unobstructed view, but he didn't want to actually touch it. Therefore Rodi held his head about an inch off the surface so he could look at Shellshock's face. Magnus beamed at him very proudly - and rightly so, seeing as how totally naturally Rodimus was now acting.

Robert looked at Rodi's red-head; held shakily suspended just off the table. The Autobot Commander had bent his body at a ninety degree angle just to look at Shellshock when leaning back in the chair would have accomplished the same thing without the contortions. Not to mention Rodimus looked entirely silly. Magnus didn't seem to mind this undignified behavior on the part of his friend however. In fact, the City Commander had his lips pressed firmly together in a broad, broad smile. Robert felt a distinct sinking feeling.

Rodimus held that pose a long time, watching Shellshock stare at everyone and trying to remember why no one was supposed to do that. It was then Rodimus realized he couldn't think straight. Sitting up straight proved to be rather a challenge too.

"Hey," he muttered, "hey Talon? Why...why ish he not supposed to do that?" Rodi asked, pointed vaguely at Shellshock.

Talon looked a bit surprised. "Huh?"

"Why shouldn't he stared at the other guys in the bar?" Rodimus asked again. This didn't seem to be working.

"Because he'sh supposed ta be looking at th' naked girls?" Magnus suggested helpfully. He smiled hugely at this brilliant deduction.

Rodimus stared at him a moment. That smile just looked all wrong on that face. Magnus blinked slowly at him, still grinning, and for one moment, Rodi had a clear thought. Oh shit...!

"TALON!" he roared, surging, or rather trying to surge to his feet. His body listed badly to the left as he tried to stand, and he clutched instinctively for support. He grabbed Magnus' shoulder. Magnus giggled (GIGGLED!) and shoved him back, sending him reeling around. He continued yelling at Talon before he realized he was facing AWAY from the man. Magnus snickered, and turned his commander around again. Even Shellshock took note of that with some evident surprise. He scowled.

"What did you do you stupid human?!" Rodimus bellowed. At least that was the plan. What he actually said came out so garbled it was incomprehensible.

Robert made up for it though, "Holy shit Talon! He's drunk off his ass already! What the hell did you do?"

"I had them put a shot of vodka in their beers! It was only one shot though! He should have been able to handle it no problem! I put one in yours too! Your fine!"

"I'm really human though!" Robert whispered with a hiss, "They aren't you stupid idiot! Lancer's gonna eat you alive!"

Magnus laughed, "Tha's if mmM'rissha don ge you firs," he slurred. Then he laughed again. In his imagination, his mate was chasing a diminutive Talon around and popping him in her mouth for immediate digestion. He thought it was hilarious. After all, she had conquered him effortlessly; what chance did this fool have? None whatsoever. Hehe. In fact, everything about this place was funny. Jazz whirling out of rhythm, or perhaps to music only he could hear, Rodi trying to be all puffed up with righteous indignation when he could hardly stand straight, and the packs of stupid humans with hard-ons for a girl they didn't even know.... It was hilarious. He laughed openly at all of them. Talon was right! This WAS fun! Now why would the man try to get him to be quiet just when he was beginning to enjoy himself? That was funny too!

Shellshock was still staring anywhere but in Rodi's direction. That combined with Magnus' laughter was the final straw for several of the usual denizens of the bar.

Talon saw one of the other tables rise as one. "Oh shit! Magnus will you SHUT UP!? Robert help me! He's pissing them off!"

Magnus rocked his chair back, roaring. Even the girl on the stage gave him an incredulous look. He nearly tipped himself over, but somehow avoided it.

"Look't what you've don to 'im," Rodimus said, very, very carefully.

Talon glared at him. "No one as big as you guys should get drunk off of one shot!"

"Shtupid! Alton...um...Talon...thish was stshtupid!" Rodimus accused. Damn. He still couldn't get his tongue to obey him! He tried to reach across the table to grab Talon's shirt for a more direct form of communication when the men from the other table arrived to surround them. Rodimus thought there were eight of them, but he couldn't be sure with the way his vision was blurring. He was assassin enough to note the weapons they displayed openly, and the numerous bulges of the weapons they didn't display openly. "Shtupid" he muttered, meaning Talon. From the narrowing eyes of the men closing on them, he realized he should have chosen his words more carefully. Robert smacked himself in the face - again.

X

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X

Marissa suspected something was wrong when her communicator went off unexpectedly. She KNEW something was wrong when her sleepy "Hello?" was answered by an incoherent growl. Suddenly fully awake, the EDC Captain responded with professional efficiency.

"LANCER?! Is that you?!"

Another growl with a slight affirmative accent.

"Has something happened to Rodimus?" Marissa wanted to know. She wasn't ready to face the idea that something had probably happened to Magnus as well.

"Grr...YES!" Lancer gasped. "Marissa! Talon's gotten them all drunk! Rodi's projecting so much I can't walk straight either! We have to go get them!"

"I'll get Optimus! We'll get you!" Marissa cried. Magnus? Drunk? Oh boy. Marissa listened for a response from the other end. There was a crash and some slurred curses.

"SssSorry," Lancer hissed, "I dr..grr...dropped the phone. Get KC too, and Malice and Pagan. We're going to need all the help we can get.." Marissa was dressed and out the door before Lancer's line went dead.

In her own quarters, Lancer clutched her head and groaned. Rodimus was trying, unsuccessfully, to express her rage and his own to Talon when Magnus spun him around to actually face the person he was addressing. Lancer's world spun as well, refusing to sit still and behave itself even when Rodimus actually had himself oriented. She sensed him fumbling to shield her, but she stopped him (not that he was having any success anyway). She wanted to be with him, to help him handle this the best she could. He sent drunken waves of guilt at her, but she stubbornly reserved all the blame for Talon. She was helping him control his speech, and they thought they were doing alright - at least until that group of equally drunken thugs started picking a fight with Shellshock.

X

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"Ok, Pussy. What did you think you was lookin' at? You cruising for a piece of ass?" This poetic turn of phrase came from a 6'2" beer-belly with rotten teeth, and a nose which had been broken about 15 times too many. It was directed at Shellshock, who continued to stare. They might have been less insulted if his face had shown the tiniest flicker of emotion, the slightest concern that they even existed and were angry with him. His very lack of response seemed a brutal challenge, but he continued to inspect them as if they were unusual, but harmless insects.

The humanized Autobot didn't catch the more subtle meanings of what had been said to him, but he knew insulting when he heard it. He opted not to answer, as he often did, but he didn't turn his eyes away either. Rodimus, on the other hand, did understand, and felt something akin to Lancer's demon straining the bonds of his mental restraints. He stiffened defensively.

"Keep cool," Talon urged. "Just keep cool."

He may as well have been talking to a volcano. No one messed with Shellshock as long as Rodi had his hands free.

Magnus laughed.

"What's so funny, you pansy?" another one of the cultural sophisticates demanded. Maybe if Magnus had been standing they wouldn't have been so likely to address him that way, but the man speaking was just drunk enough to think Magnus WAS standing.

Magnus laughed, "You guysh have noOO idea what you'rrr getting yourshelves, um... yourshelves, um. You don't want to messh wit that , with him." Magnus said, indicating Shellshock with a vague sweep of his arm that knocked the pitcher off the table. "Opps!" Magnus said. He laughed about that too.

"Why not asshole?"

Robert was starting to look desperate. Talon was trying futilely to get Magnus to shut up. Magnus found Talon's wild silencing gestures very entertaining. Nevertheless he had a point to make.

"'Cause, if you messh, um...mess with Shell, shellSHOCK then Rodi will probably jusht kill you. Shee?! Looky at his greeny little eyes! That means he'sh gonna knock you down and sit on you!" Magnus laughed some more, poking playfully at his rigid commander. Magnus was currently enjoying the memory of the time Rodimus had done just that to him. "Whoop! Flat on your backs! Just like that!" Magnus attempted a very daring swooping motion that was supposed to demonstrate being flattened and end with a sharp snap of the fingers. Instead it ended with his own glass being flattened. The finger snap proved a lost cause, and the men he was addressing thought he was making some rather lewd gestures implying what the red-head was going to do to them once they ended up "flat on their backs."

"Oh that did it!" Robert exclaimed. The girl on the stage gathered her cash and departed with prudent speed, effectively angering the rest of the room's occupants and drawing their attention to the now assured fight.

There was a long, threatening pause. Then, with the swift, unpredictable violence of untrained brawlers, the group surged forward. Four went after Shellshock as the biggest quarry, three went after Rodimus, and one went after the laughing loony. Magnus kept laughing and contemptuously pushed his assailant at Rodimus. Rodi caught the man in the throat with the backswing of a punch aimed at one of his other attackers. Rodimus reeled from the unexpected impact from behind, and looked a bit alarmed to see a wheezing body at his feet. Where had that guy come from? He gave Magnus a startled look. Magnus shrugged, and grinned. Rodimus didn't know what to make of that, but was forced to engage his next opponent before he could summon enough coherence to work it out.

Magnus thought it was all quite priceless.

Meanwhile, Jazz was getting hot. The combination of motion and drink made him feel like he had a coolant leak. Well, he was dancing, and weren't dancers at this bar supposed to strip? Excellent! He could explore more lovely human experiences, and cool off too. Ripping the shirt from his body proved more difficult than that dancer's had seemed to be, but he was a strong man, not a slender little chick, and he was determined he could do it if she could. He felt some vague regret for his nice shirt as he tore it (leaving only the collar around his neck like some crazily spinning necklace) but hey! When in Rome! Besides, he remember exactly where he'd bought it. He'd replace it tomorrow. What WAS that unmusical sound? Oh. Rodi and Shellshock getting into a brawl. Sigh. Fights were so dull and typical. Why would they want to do that? Oh well. To each his own. At least the music was good.

X

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Lancer was having problems. Edana was up and giving her vocal chords the work-out of a lifetime. Lancer was afraid to pick her up for two reasons. Reason one, Edana's father was projecting so much drunken fury that Edana's mother's hands were currently sporting razor-like claws. Reason two, Edana's father was projecting so much drunken fury that Edana's mother was frequently losing her balance.

Edana had started screaming right after Lancer had called Marissa. Turning to check on her baby, Lancer had knocked over a lamp losing her balance. The crash had done nothing to calm either of them. She felt her head clear a moment and fought to lock out Rodimus. It didn't work for long. Lancer hadn't taken three steps towards the nursery when the view of her quarters was replaced by a dim, blurry image the of greasy, intoxicated men who were attacking her mate. Confused about where and even WHO she was, Lancer threw a punch into the empty air. She felt the impact of Rodi's fist on the bridge of someone's nose, but her own hand encountered nothing. Surprised and off-balance the next clear view she had was of her own floor....at eye level. The impact had knocked the air right out of her so she lay there, face first, with her limbs scattered around her at ungraceful angles. She was too shocked that she'd actually fallen to even swear, and rested there to consider her situation. It seemed prudent to stay on ground level until she could get her limbs to obey. When she got up at last three things were very clear to her.

1. She was glad no one could see her.  
2. She hoped Talon survived the brawl so she could kill him.  
3. She needed help badly.

X

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By the time Shellshock had one of the single legged tables in one hand and a large, broken bottle in the other, Talon was ready to have a stroke. What he really wanted was a nice quiet corner to write his will in. What he had instead was an eight foot tall, molecularly compact tank with just a LITTLE repressed anger, and a green-eyed monster drunkenly using far too many of Lancer's little tricks. Getting too close to both of them had nearly proven fatal for Talon. Rodimus was too drunk to easily discern friend from foe, and had thrown a powerful toe kick designed to rupture an opponent's internal organs. Fortunately for both of them, he had missed, and the momentum had landed him, ass first, on the floor. He tried to stammer an apology at Talon. Or at least Talon thought he did. It was hard to tell because four drunken idiots tried to take advantage of the fact that he was down. Talon shook his head as the Autobot fought his way to the surface. The fools had only put themselves where Rodimus could hit them WITHOUT missing, and the bunch of them just got in each other's way.

Shellshock, on the other hand, seemed completely berserk and attacked anything that moved within a certain range around him. Talon suspected that was probably exactly the same distance Goldenboy could see clearly. The rage-filled roars Shellshock bellowed didn't even SOUND human.

I'm fucked! Talon thought, I've let loose a rhino with rabies! Maybe I should just go up to him! It'll be a quicker death than Lancer'll give me! He hoped his com-eye showed he had at least TRIED to stop them, as sort of a last, redeeming act. Maybe they would all find it funny latter. Of course, half of his trouble stemmed from the fact that Magnus found it funny NOW!

Magnus had gleefully cheered Shellshock and Rodimus on...for the first two minutes. Then he had begun cheering on their opponents! He acted as though the whole thing were a show for his vast amusement. He flinched and grinned over every punch. He egged on those who seemed reluctant to join the fray - very, very successfully. By the time he was done, even the bar-tenders were out for blood - Rodi and Shellshock's blood. He even went so far as to try to awaken some of the fallen so they could "Try again! They just got lucky last time!", and howling with delight to see them fall once more.

Someone pulled a laser on Rodi, who rolled sloppily under the first blasts, came up underneath the man's arm, and shattered it in three places. The last shot went wild and flew inches from Magnus' ear.

"Ooo Hooo!" he cried. He nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Tears ran down his face.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY YOU ASSHOLE! NOW GET UP AND HELP ME STOP THEM BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE!" Talon raged. He tugged on Magnus' arm. The arm moved without much resistance, but the rest of that body remained unaffected by Talon's strength. It was like trying to move a seven-foot sack of liquid lead. And to think, Talon had WANTED this guy to loosen up!

All of them! What a mess! Jazz was down to his pants on the dance-floor- and those looked ready to go any minute. He stepped lightly over broken chairs, bottles, and bodies - somehow managing to incorporate the obstructions into his motion and never missing a beat. Rodimus seemed to fade in and out of sanity, but the moments he was out always left a few people bleeding. Shellshock had taken to grabbing people with one arm, and pounding their faces into gelatin by pistoning the hand with that table into them over and over...

"Come on you pussies!" Magnus crowed. "You can take them!" He didn't know what he was saying, but it had the desired results. The last of the reluctant ones joined the party. Shellshock merely grabbed one and threw him, face first, across the glass, cluttered floor. The unfortunate soul skidded to a stop at Magnus' feet. The City Commander applauded. How he loved to see his friends kicking ass, and he didn't have to lift a finger! Well, maybe one. Reaching down with one, numb hand, Magnus picked the barely conscious man up by his collar to address him. The man's knees and hands still dragged on the ground, as Magnus leaned close to his face to talk to him.

"Ooo! That hurt!" Magnus laughed, surveying the man's bleeding face. "There are only two of them! Who taught you to fight anyway?" He tapped lightly on the man's broken nose in time with his words. Magnus was disappointed when all he got was an incoherent groan for an answer. "Aww. You're no fun. Can't you *BUUUURRRRPPPP* take a hit at all? Don't worry, though. Things will get interesting when the girls get here!"

Robert , who had also managed to keep his seat through this entire riot, grinned evilly at Magnus. He was not feeling the slightest bit sorry for Talon, and he'd be damned if he was getting involved. "You can say that again!" he said, "BUT DON'T!" he added quickly when Magnus opened his mouth. Magnus smiled drunkenly, and nodded, his eyes nearly closed.

"Um...are you ever going to let that guy go?" Robert asked, a bit nervously. He didn't like the shade of purple Magnus' little doll was turning.

"Uuhh," Magnus said intelligently. He looked down at his hand. Oh yeah. He contemplated putting his friend down, but felt a strange reluctance. He felt very close to this person right now. They had communicated, and what wonderful fun this person and his friends had given Magnus. He was grateful.

"You're choking him," Robert said nervously.

Now would he do a thing like that to his little friend? Magnus poked at his victim's face again. Hmm, that was a rather nasty sound the poor guy was making. Maybe he needed to lie down. Magnus dropped him. 

X

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The entire fight was a blur for Rodimus. He felt his mind torn between violent, drunken rage and a need to defend Shellshock, and clearer moments when he was just fighting because there were bodies coming at him. Mixed in were moments he was stumbling around with Lancer in Optimus's trailer - her fury didn't help calm him down. The rational side of him was often appalled by the carnage he was creating. It was one thing to hurt people in a real fight, but this was completely unnecessary, and he was hurting his opponents more than he needed to disable them. Then he would catch a glimpse of Shellshock's enraged face, and the torture chamber madness would take over again. He did to his opponents what he would have liked to do to the Jabez - only his lack of muscle control kept him from really performing what he envisioned. The psychotic side of him roared its frustration silently into his mind and Lancer's. Finally unleashed, it still couldn't find satisfaction.

X

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In Prime's trailer, Marissa did her best to soothe Lancer as she moaned and growled - fighting Rodimus' fury, and trying to help him regain control. Carly had rushed up at practically the same instant Optimus had in response to Lancer desperate (and nearly incomprehensible) call for help with Edana. Frankly Carly had wondered if Lancer hadn't just snapped and was half expecting to have to rescue Edana from her own mother. Pagan paced the length of the trailer claustophobically. KC and Malice looked on in shock, and Marissa was glad Malice was able to contain Lancer so they could approach her safely. The look on Malice's face showed cold fear for Shellshock, and did not bode well for Talon's retirement years. She spoke a few comforting words to Lancer, but that was all. Marissa wondered distractedly about the basis for the friendship between the two mutants who so rarely seemed to see or speak to each other. KC held Lancer's hand, and Marissa tried to get clearer answers out of her about where their mates were. Optimus had been circling the area for over fifteen minutes, trying to pinpoint the one bar of many that matched Lancer's incoherent description. Pagan called him names for taking so long.

X

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Jazz threw his pants away from his body with a dramatic flourish. They spun away from him into the darkness with dynamic grace, and he followed them (entranced by their artistic twirling through the lights) with his eyes until they vanished into the shadows. Man! He was so cool his pants kept dancing even when he wasn't in them! Another body skidded onto the dance floor. He saw it a another challenge to his ability to keep the groove under pressure. No problem! He was the man!

Talon ran around after Rodimus (at a safe distance) and tried to talk some sense into him, occasionally socking it to someone who tried to get in his way. Robert sipped his beer calmly and waited for it to be over. Shellshock stalked through the rubble like a mountain with legs and a grudge. He was far more likely to step ON the fallen than over them. Rodimus snarled, and kicked a body which made the mistake of twitching by his feet. Jazz danced - even though someone had shot up the speakers. Magnus laughed, although he expressed disappointment that the fight seemed to be winding down so soon.

Light suddenly flooded the room - making all the occupants who still had their eyes open wince. The blinding white glow was from Optimus' headlights. He was parked at the top of the stair, and even his engine sounded angry. The light had the reversed affect intended on Rodimus, however, and he lost what little bit of sanity he clung to. Lancer flew down the stairs towards him, and knocked him to the ground before he could kill anyone. Pinning him down didn't necessarily help him get out of the flash-back, but it bought her the time to get through to his more rational mind. He suddenly sagged underneath her, no longer fighting, and began weeping shamelessly. Lancer couldn't believe it. She hugged him and stroked the top of his head while he sobbed and sniffled like a little boy. He was unpleasant to hold - he stank of beer, and of all the unclassified substances he'd been rolling in. She tried not to notice the sticky gunk which coated his clothing, and told him over and over that it was going to be fine. All the while she glared at Talon over Rodi's shoulder. The explosives expert realized he was going to pay with interest for reducing her mate to this state.

Marissa and the others were just behind Lancer, although they choose to run down the stairs rather than leaping from the top. Malice contained the still raging Shellshock in a telekinetic field as soon as she saw him. The golden man fought the pressure momentarily, roared, threw-up all over himself, and passed out cold.

The look she threw Talon made him feel safer with Lancer.

Marissa paused on the last stair. The destruction didn't surprise her. The carnage didn't surprise her. The sight of her reserved mate frantically waving her over because he was laughing too hard to call her - that surprised her.

She hurried over to him, although he kept waving her closer even when she got to his side.

"Magnus? Are you OK?" she asked dubiously.

"Uh-huh!" he said with enthusiasm. "Hey! Hey Marissa!?"

"Yeah?"

"Come closer," Magnus said.

"Uh-uh. You stink," Marissa said.

"Oh. Uh. I just wanted to tell you I'm glad I know you," Magnus said. Actually, he slurred the sentence so much Marissa had to think long and hard about it before it made sense.

"I'm glad I know you too, you big weirdo," she said.

"Yesh!" Magnus said brightly, "That way, you don't have to dance naked anymore!"

Marissa thought long and hard about that too. She kept hoping it would work out to be something other than what it was.

It didn't.

She turned slowly to face Talon, who was standing there with a fake, mollifying grin plastered on his face.

She could only manage three words. "A STRIP BAR?" she said - not shouting, but rather grating out each word like the report from a small gun. Talon visibly winced at each word.

"JAZZ!" KC was crying out in exasperation. "STOPPIT! We have to go home now! Where are your clothes! NO! Hold it right there Mister! THOSE stay on! Oh geez! STAND UP! How can you dance but not stand up straight!?"

"MmmmOOmentuuum?!" Magnus suggested. He seemed very pleased with himself for getting that out, and he snickered continuously about it for the next few minutes. Marissa looked on in amazement. When he stopped snickering it was only to laugh aloud about it.

Marissa felt like laughing a little too. Magnus was actually pretty funny, and Jazz was too. Every time KC found some shred of his clothing that wasn't totally covered in filth, she put it on him and went in search of something else. As she did that, he took off whatever she had put on, and threw it across the room again. She was turning all shades of pink, and yelling at him, although Marissa could see her fighting laughter at the same time.

"Jazzs likesh strip bars," Magnus informed his mate wisely. Taken a little off guard by THIS tidbit of insight, Marissa couldn't help it and started laughing. She turned her back on Magnus and tried to hide it - knowing the LAST thing any of them needed was encouragement.

KC finally gave up on getting Jazz dressed when he vomited all over his newly recovered pants.

"Oh," Jazz said, upset. "My dancin' pants!"

"Yeah well, not anymore. Come on you idiot! Let's go!" KC ordered.

"CAsey...I don' feel so good," Jazz said.

"I know. Come on. Optimus is waiting to take us home. Lean on me and I'll get you up the stairs." KC said, torn between compassion for her friend and angry disgust at Talon.

"Ohkay," Jazz said, leaning most of his body weight on KC shoulders. His hands flopped down over her chest.

"watch it." KC warned.

"I liked our kissh earlier," Jazz told her.

"Fine. Just don't get grabby! HEY! I said DON'T!"

"Oh. But that was fun!"

"JaAZZ!" KC said angrily, still leading him towards the stairs.

"Aww, but Casey," Jazz whined, "I'm already dressed, Imean, undresshed anyway, and you're sooo much cuter than the naked girls."

"Great. Really. It's so nice to know that! WALK already will you?!" KC said. She met Marissa's wide eyed stare as they shuffled past where Magnus lounged in his creaking chair, still helpless with laughter. KC noticed the suppressed tremors running through Marissa and had to turn away before she started laughing too. Fending off Jazz's explorative hands and keeping him moving took enough concentration already.

Continued in Part C! 


	3. Chapter 3

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part C 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part C

Continued from Part B!

Pagan and Malice teamed up to get Shellshock out without raising too much suspicion. Pagan threw the big man's arm over her shoulder. She was strong, but he was too much for her to lift without help from Malice. They made it look like he was walking a little on his own, and got him slowly up the steps and into Prime's trailer. Optimus was strangely silent as he surveyed the scene below - what he could see of it anyway.

Lancer and Rodimus continued to have some kind of quiet, private conversation curled up on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Optimus couldn't see Magnus, but he sure could hear him. When had the City Commander EVER laughed that much over ANYTHING?

"Any hope you can stand, Big Guy?" Marissa asked.

"None whatsoever," Magnus said in his best City Commander analysis voice. It might have sounded better without the snickering and the silly smile.

Marissa sighed.

"Uh, Marissa?"

"Yes?"

"Incoming," Magnus said with a groan.

Marissa looked briefly at his face in confusion and then jumped back in horror. Magnus actually did manage to turn slightly away from her just before losing most of the rather large meal he had consumed at the party.

"Oh, eww," Magnus said sadly once he could speak, "I threw up on my friend."

"Your friend?!" Marissa asked incredulously, studying the prone, vomit-coated figure. Was that guy even breathing? Yes. Yuck. He might be better off dead. She heard Rodi getting miserably sick as well on the other side of the room. The poor guy was still crying.

"TALON!" Lancer snapped - quietly enough so as not to upset Rodimus, but with that whiplike crack that told Talon how much trouble he was in. "Help me with him! Hurry up before the local EDC patrols get here. We can only give them the run around so long!"

Talon got on Rodi's other side and helped Lancer guide him, step, by careful step, up the stairs. For a guy who had been delivering some serious side-kicks a few minutes prior, Rodi's legs were like rubber now. They got him to the top where he crawled miserably into the far corner of his partner's trailer and curled up into a ball. Lancer gave him a consoling pat and motioned for Pagan to follow her. Talon and Pagan repeated the performance for Mr. Hilarity, who laughed uncontrollably every time his legs faltered and they stumbled under his weight. Talon was more than half sure Magnus was doing it on purpose before they got to the top. Pagan hissed at him though, and he stopped after they nearly fell for real.

"Teeth!" he noted.

Marissa and Lancer made a quick check of the room to see if anyone was in life-threatening trouble. Amazingly, there were none that needed instantaneous help, although the EDC unit which would arrive just after they left would hospitalize 23 of the fallen for over-night observation - mostly for concussions from Shellshock's table. 12 more would require longer stays. The more seriously wounded had broken bones, deep gashes (from Shellshock's bottle), eye damage, internal bleeding from bruised organs, and more severe concussions. The worst wounds were to the guy who had pulled the laser. His mangled arm would need pins to secure the bones, and several rounds of reconstructive surgery. (Rodimus would spend the following months following the man's progress by having Vector Sigma hack its way into the medical computers. He also managed to pad the man's bank account anonymously for the rest of his life. That broken arm equaled a pretty easy ride for a man down on his luck, and a lifetime of guilt for Rodi.)

The bar itself would be closed 10 weeks for reconstruction, also funded by some mysterious patron - in this case Talon's shaky resources. The group might not be able to pay for their hand in this openly, but Talon didn't protest much when he was told to pay for the repairs. He knew he was in the worst trouble of his life. Even getting caught red-handed murdering a (Converted) superior hadn't felt this bad.

Talon knew he was in for it already, but he was still surprised when Malice's TK shoved him into the back wall of Prime's trailer next to a sniffling Rodimus. Then, much to his shock (and Optimus' indignation) the walls of the trailer reached out to circle him, stockade-like, around the neck and limbs. Talon heard KC assure Optimus that all would be restored when they got back to Central, and the big rig quite protesting. Apparently, Optimus thought Talon's humiliation was worth a little rearranging of molecules...even if those molecules were a part of his own body.

Lancer urged Rodimus out of his curled up position to lean on her side. She put an arm around him, and once again fought to ignore the stench they all were making in Optimus' enclosed trailer. Magnus was next to her on the other side, listing and laughing at each bump. KC and Jazz had started off mid-trailer, and now KC simply shifted the molecules on the floor to give Jazz a gentle ride to the side. She even let him rest his head in her lap since he was fever-chilled from being sick. Pagan and Robert lined the other wall with Malice where the comatose Shellshock lay on the floor.

All of them took turns throwing Talon evil looks, hairy eyeballs, and slant eyed laser stares.

Lancer glared at him every time Rodimus moaned about something else he felt guilty for.

"I really hurt some of them, Lancer."

"They'll be alright in a few weeks," Lancer said.

"But they didn't really deserve all that....I thought they were Jabez!" Rodimus whimpered. Geez, he was pathetic.

"It's not YOUR fault, Rodi. Try to get some sleep."

"I tried to kill them."

"You failed. It's OK." Lancer said, stroking his hair.

"And I made you drunk too! I'm sorry! I couldn't quit projecting!" Rodimus sobbed.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna be sick again, all over Optimus."

"Oh boy! KC! We need a bucket!"

Optimus made a despairing sound. Rodimus heaved, and a hole miraculously opened up in front of him. The sight of the road rushing beneath him was usually a welcomed sight, but now it made him lose the last of his control. He gagged and retched, but not much came up - he had lost pretty much everything at the bar - and there was little enough in the first place.

He panicked irrationally when the seizures continued long after his stomach was empty. LANCER? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? WHY CAN'T I STOP?

"It's called dry heaves, my love. Aren't they fun? Your stomach is just irritated. Unfortunately, it may keep this up for a while," Lancer said.

"Ooo," Magnus said. "Something about being human he DOESN'T already know! Goody!" He reached around Lancer to clap Rodimus on the back encouragingly. Rodimus was just sitting up. The impact started a new wave of convulsions from his gut. He glared at Magnus even as he leaned over KC's hole.

Magnus cackled.

Magnus belched.

"Uggh," Marissa said, waving her hand, "Aim those elsewhere you big jerk!"

Magnus cackled again, and then his eyes widened. He heaved.

"KC!" Marissa cried.

The young mutant got the floor opened just in time. Lucky for Optimus too, since unlike Rodimus, Magnus DID actually eat.

"I'm starting to feel like a sieve!" Optimus complained.

"You'd rather feel like the floor of that bar?" Lancer asked.

Optimus shut up.

Marissa stared at her mate, wondering how it was possible to laugh and puke at the same time. Rodimus was sitting up again, and he was laughing a little too, especially when Magnus' stomach also introduced HIM to the dry heaves. Then he looked at Shellshock and leaned sadly against Lancer again. Marissa looked at him and felt sorry for him. Hot Rod had never ever seemed so young and sad.

"Rodi? Are you OK?" Marissa asked.

He just shook his head. His eyes were swimming with tears and his chin was trembling. Lancer threw Marissa a look and they both fought down the giggles.

"What's wrong?" Marissa asked. She suppressed the urge to call him "honey" or "sweetie" or something equally demeaning.

"I did something bad!" he wailed. He buried his face against Lancer and sobbed. Lancer trembled herself. The waves of sorrow coming off her mate were real and unavoidable, but he was behaving so ridiculously that each wave brought up a corresponding wave of mirth in her. She refused to laugh at him though, and glared at Talon for amusement instead. Talon was strangely silent, even though Mayhem's stockades did nothing to restrict his speech.

"Oh, Great Cybertron!" Optimus muttered. "They've all lost it completely!"

On the opposite end of his trailer, Jazz was laying in KC's lap, making the most of his very real malaise to get her to feel sorry for him. She did too, but not in the way he wanted. He tried his usual poetry, coupled with an unusual attempt to touch whichever part of her he was mooning over.

"If you don't cut it out," KC told him, "You're going to make me throw up too."

"Do you need a hand?" Marissa asked, as KC defended her "shimmering eyes" yet again.

"No," KC said with a smile. "I've got him."

Magnus finally quit heaving and sat up. KC shut all the holes in Op's floor, much to his evident relief. The City Commander swayed again and flopped into Lancer. Rodimus looked up at the impact and yelped at Magnus' smiling face only inches from his own. Rodi sniffled, wiped his nose on his hand, and then used it to push that bad old face away.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Jazz announced.

Magnus flopped backwards into Marissa, who pushed back automatically.

"OoFF," Lancer grunted as he slammed painfully into her again. She growled unconsciously from stress and pain.

Magnus blinked, but didn't get off of her. He seemed ready to make himself comfortable. Lancer sighed, between the two of them, she was being crushed.

"Lancer?"

"Yes, Magnus?"

"Where are your horns?" Magnus said, then he giggled.

"WHAT?!"

"Where are your horns? Where do you keep them?" he asked again. He actually began pawing at the top of her head, trying to part her hair and see them.

"Magnus you can't see them! Leave my head alone!" Lancer said, trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to sound stern.

"Oh," he said. His head flopped forward and something else caught his eye. He picked up her hand. "Well...can I see your nails then? Not these nails I mean...the nasty looking ones."

"No," Lancer said, raising an eyebrow at Marissa who was smirking, and refusing to rescue her.

"Oh..." Magnus said, sounding crestfallen.

He turned his head to look down Lancer's back. The same thought hit Lancer and Marissa at the same instant.

"MAGNUS! Don't even go there!" they cried in unison.

"But, Marissa!" he blubbered. "I want to see her tail! She won't let me see her horns!" Tears welled up in his eyes, and he pouted. Marissa stared at him s if she'd never seen him before.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Lancer said as he started crying on her shoulder. His tears set Rodimus off again and they sobbed in stereo like a pair of two-year olds. She shrugged Magnus off, and he leaned on his incredulous mate, still whining about Lancer's horns.

"Make her show them to me 'Rissa, please?" he begged.

"And how do you expect me to do that?" Marissa asked.

"Ohh, you can do it. You can get people to do ANYthing.. you...want." Magnus insisted, punctuating the last bit with a poke for each word.

"No, Magnus. She can get YOU to do anything she wants....and I'm not showing you my horns. Haven't you been sick enough for one evening?"

Magnus didn't answer. He was too busy crying.

Suddenly, over all the wailing, Jazz's little voice came sing-songing over the chaos. "Casey's hair is nice and pretty....my tummy hurts, and I feel shitty!" He smiled at his little poem, although the greyish color of his skin did indicate he was telling the truth about not feeling good.

"Oh brother," KC groaned as the others laughed. Even Pagan let loose the short, rasping hiss that passed for the laughter of her species at KC's expense.

"Casseee?"

"Yes, what is it now Jazz?" KC said with exasperation.

"Gimme another kissh," Jazz whined.

"No."

"Pleashh?"

"No. Even if I wanted to, you just threw up. You're a disgusting mess."

"Ohhh....." Jazz said, staring up at her, wide-eyed. He put on his best, hurt pout, but it was clear she wasn't falling for it. She just stared down at him sternly. Jazz's eyes filled with tears which spilled miserably out of the corners of his eyes down his face.

"Jazz you're being ridiculous!" KC said in amazement.

This apparently was the final straw. Jazz raised his voice to join Rodi and Magnus in an all out sob-session. The rest of the trailer's occupants, including Talon, stared at each other for a full five seconds and began laughing uncontrollably.

X

X

X

They had gone straight to Lancer's quarters because she wanted to let poor Carly out of bondage, and she was worried about the baby. Carly had surveyed the scene from the door, and had become quite speechless with shock. They had decided to bring Magnus and Jazz in too - it seemed simpler to tend them en mass, and no one wanted to smell them for one minute longer than necessary. Carly was treated to the vision of Rodi, Magnus, and Jazz in various states of disarray, leaning on the girls for support, and all crying babyishly. Carly felt she must be hallucinating. Optimus was desperate to get his trailer section thoroughly cleaned - there was gunk from their clothes coating the floor and walls. Even Roller had its share of smears.

Pagan told Optimus to stop at an odd area on the next block, and teleported the Maelstrom group and Shellshock right out of his body. Optimus would never admit it, but that gave him the surges.

After everyone had their turn on the toilet, Rodimus got his shower first - being far and away the biggest mess. No one minded in the slightest - his stink was making even the sober people sick. Lancer had to join him to help him - especially to get the gunk out of his hair - he simply didn't have the coordination to do a good job on it, and it was caked with blood and other, less wholesome substances. Lancer scrubbed him off while he leaned on the wall of the shower, no longer crying, but close to it, and feeling terribly that she needed to go to all this trouble for him. She guided him out, and dried his head with a towel as he sat disconsolately on the the toilet. Lancer handed him his underwear, and then led him by the hand to bed. She pulled the covers over him and smiled. He was asleep and snoring before she even got the lights off.

"One down and out, two to go!" Lancer announced when she got back to the living room. KC was still fending off Jazz on the couch, and Marissa had her arms around Magnus who seemed to be calming down...at least until he saw Lancer. He looked up with glazed, bloodshot eyes and saw the mutant, sans horns, stepping into the living room. Lancer threw up her hands when he started bawling again - and then put them in her best intimidating pose on her hips.

"You shut up now Mr. City Commander! You're going to set off Edana again!" she growled.

"SHE'S YELLING AT ME!" Magnus wailed.

Edana joined him, waking out of a sound sleep to add her tears to his. Lancer hissed in frustration, and her demonic aspects manifested slightly.

Magnus stopped, mid-sob, and stared at Lancer hopefully. He didn't say anything though, and it was Marissa who finally asked Lancer again.

"Please? If you show him maybe he'll shut up," Marissa said, in a tone that said she would understand if Lancer said no.

Lancer glared at Marissa. She really didn't like doing this, but she looked from Magnus' swimming eyes, to her sniffling empathic baby and groaned with resignation.

"I just know I'm going to regret this," Lancer complained, letting her horns appear, and stalking towards Magnus where he sat reeking on her sofa. He needed Marissa's help to sit upright, and clutched his head dizzily for a minute. Marissa gave Lancer a grateful look, which Lancer returned with a scowl. Marissa smiled.

Lancer knelt down on the floor in front of Magnus and gave him her hand. He inspected each finger carefully, with great concentration. He pricked through his skin by poking at the tip of one with his finger, and immediately stuck the wounded finger in his mouth.

"ow," he said, but went back to studying her talons undaunted - he just forgot to wipe his wet finger off first.

Lancer threw Marissa a "you owe me bad" glare, and said "I can just tell I'm going to need another shower after this!" She drew her hand back sharply. "OUCH! Magnus! Those do NOT come out! HEY!! Lay off my head!"

"Magnus let her go!" Marissa said sharply. It might have been more effective if she hadn't been giggling.

"Marissa quit laughing! Make him let go before I zap him! That'll sober him up for the rest of his life! All two seconds of it!"

"HORNS!" Magnus crowed. He had one locked in each huge fist, and was tugging on them experimentally.

"Magnus let her go!"

"But I like her horns! I have horns too, and I like them, and oh! Hey! Lemme see that Lancer!"

"Do you want to see my tail, Ultra Magnus?" Lancer asked, from where her head was turned.

"Uh-huh."

"Good. Let go of my head!" Lancer growled. She could have probably pulled away without hurting him, but she wasn't sure. She didn't want to zap him and was now too irritated to let the horns fade. She was afraid that in his inebriated enthusiasm that he might break her neck. She remained very still while he thought about it. He was rather fond of her horns. She swished her tail enticingly and he finally let go.

"OK! Lemme see!" he said, as she sat back and rotated her head stiffly.

"You can see it, along as you promise NOT to pull on it! Is that clear!? It is attached to my spine which I prefer INSIDE my body, OK?"

"Uh-huh."

"Promise?" she said sharply.

"Uh-huh!" Magnus said, nodding so vigorously that Marissa was forced to draw back.

Lancer hesitated doubtfully, but then wrapped her tail forward where he could reach it. He held it very gently. She swished it in his palm.

"I don't have a tail," Magnus said sadly. "I have horns, but not a tail."

"You'd look dumb with a tail," Marissa told him. "What would you do with one anyway?"

"The same things she does. Sw..Swish it around. Scare people with it. Hit Rodi with it. It would be lots of use!" He looked up at Lancer. "I like you tail," he told her gravely.

"Well, that makes one of us," Lancer said. "You're weird when you're drunk Magnus."

"Do you think I could get a tail?" Magnus asked.

Lancer looked at Marissa, whose eyes were widening beyond human proportions, and looked fit to fall right out of her head. Lancer's first reaction was to tell Magnus the truth, a definite "Hell no!" but then she looked at her daughter again. Edana was just calming down, and Lancer had a bad feeling telling Magnus no would have them both in tears again.

"Sure!" Lancer said. "We'll get right on it!" Lancer wondered if Marissa's eyelids hurt, and was fairly sure the Captain's jaw would ache soon if she didn't shut her mouth. Lancer shrugged.

"Good...." Magnus said, smiling. He settled contentedly against Marissa, and began snoring.

"Great!" Marissa grumbled. "He's out BEFORE his shower!"

"You'd rather have him bawling again?" KC asked from the floor. She was still deflecting Jazz, who was laying on the floor in front of her and crying piteously.

"No," Marissa said. "Good point!" She squirmed uncomfortably under Magnus' weight, and then pushed his body back on to the couch. His head flopped back over the edge like a rag-doll's, and the snoring increased by a factor of three.

"I guess that makes it Jazz's turn for the shower," Lancer said.

"I wan Casey to help me," Jazz said.

"Dream on Jazz!" KC said.

"You can do it on your own," Lancer said firmly, pulling him to his feet. "You aren't nearly as smashed as Rodi and Mags, and you are quite up to doing this."

"Awwww...." Jazz started, but Lancer cut him off.

"Anyone with enough coordination to pester KC the way you've been can hose himself off alone," Lancer averred.

"May I suggest a COLD shower?" Marissa said brightly.

"Oh yes PLEASE!" KC said, "Make it REALLY cold! In fact, don't use the hot at all!"

Lancer chuckled. "I'll get you something of Rodi's to wear . They shouldn't be too much too big. Good enough for tonight anyway."

Jazz pouted, "But Rodi has no sense of style!"

"It's only for one night! And if you mean by that that his underwear DOESN'T glow in the dark, you're right! He has no sense of YOUR kind of style because I value my eyesight! His robot mode is painful enough!" Lancer said, with just a hint of a snarl and leading him quietly through the bedroom to the shower. When they got there, she shut the door behind him, and listened to make sure he turned on the water and got in. Glancing at Rodi showed him to not only be undisturbed, but drooling all over his pillow. Lancer smiled to herself - glad they had a large bed she could stay far away from him on. She stepped back out into the living room.

"I'm going home before Mr. Disco gets done," KC said. "Is that OK with you?"

"He'll be fine, and yeah, I understand completely why you want to get out quickly." Lancer said with a wry smile. Marissa nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Will you help us get Sleeping Beauty here to bed?" Marissa asked.

"Sure," said KC. She activated her powers and warped Lancer's metal floor. The flow of liquid-like metal scooped Magnus off the couch like a pancake on a spatula; Magnus proceeded with his snoring and Lancer and Marissa proceeded to unfold the sofa-bed with all due haste. They had it made up and ready within minutes, and KC smoothly deposited her charge back down, tipping her "spatula" slightly so that he just rolled right off onto the bed. He landed face down though, so Marissa had to turn his head so he could breathe.

"I should have asked you for more help when he was catatonic," Marissa said with a sigh.

KC opened her mouth to answer (feeling a bit guilty she hadn't thought of it either) when a dreadful sound interrupted her.

"Casey! I'm clean now! Can I have a kiss? Please?" Jazz said from the door to Lancer's room. He was leaning sloppily on the doorframe, wearing Rodi's uncomfortable (Jazz thought, being a boxers man) briefs, and robe. The robe was a nice touch - except that he'd forgotten to tie it shut, and it was sticking to his skin because he hadn't dried off. The three women sighed in unified exasperation and Lancer shh-ed Jazz harshly - he was making enough noise to wake the dead. Fortunately, it wasn't enough to wake Rodi or Magnus.

"JaAZZ" KC said, wishing he had a two-part name she could use to tell him he was in trouble.

"Please?" Jazz said, stumbling towards her. He landed on his knees, and crawled forward on them with his arms raised over his head in supplication. He scrambled forward in this fashion quite fast while the women looked on in complete amazement. This night couldn't possibly get any weirder - or so they thought, for about two seconds.

Jazz got to KC's stunned ankles (well, all of her was frozen in disbelief) and looked up at her pathetically. He had a thought, since he was on his knees anyway. "Marry me, Casey!"

"You are VERY drunk Jazz!" KC snapped, "Otherwise, I'd belt you for that! NO! HEY! Get off my feet!"

"But CAASSSEEEEEEY!" Jazz wailed, locking his arms around her ankles.

She managed to get one free before she fell, but he just grabbed twice as hard at the other. She couldn't shake him.

"I'm going home now Jazz," she said decisively.

"NOOO! STA-AYY!" he cried, holding on with fierce determination. She started walking laboriously towards the door, dragging him along behind her.

"Lemme go! JAZZ!" KC ordered.

"Do you think we should help her?" Marissa asked Lancer in an off-hand sort of way.

"Nah," Lancer answered. "She doesn't need us."

"OK," Marissa said. They both smiled at the show.

KC was distracted enough (and a bit upset by his proposal) to forget her powers again, and drag him along with her as she shuffled slowly towards the door. She actually made pretty good progress, being strong naturally, and stronger since Lancer had taken her into training. When she finally did remember her powers, she sighed in disgust at herself, knowing Lancer would chastise her about it later, and proceeded to use them. The floor flowed up around her leg, and worked itself gently between her flesh and Jazz's grappling arms. Then she simply added more thickness to the flow until his grip was broken.

"NOO FAIIRRR!" he wailed, and then gasped as the floor scooped him up and carried him, wavelike to the bed. It deposited him next to Magnus, and Lancer casually reached down and put her hand on his chest, effectively pinning him down.

"But Casey!" Jazz whimpered. "I don't want to sleep with Mags! I want to sleep with YOU!"

As if in answer, Magnus flopped on of those huge arms over Jazz's chest, pinning him even more firmly than Lancer.

"...'Rissa," he said in his sleep, smacking his lips a few times before subsiding.

Jazz's eyes widened in horror. "No! Casey don't leave me!"

"Goodnight KC!" Lancer sang.

"Night!" Marissa echoed with an evil smile.

"I'll see you in the morning," KC said tiredly. "I assume we lynch Talon tomorrow then?"

"Yup," Lancer said.

Jazz struggled vainly to get out from under that heavy arm.

"Go to sleep Jazz," Marissa said. "You won't be able to get out from under him. Believe me, I've tried."

Jazz's response was an incomprehensible moan of despair. Magnus snored. KC waved one final goodbye and headed for home. Jazz whimpered.

"You going home too?" Lancer asked Marissa, "Or do you want to sleep on the floor?"

Marissa debated a moment. "I'll take the floor," she finally decided. "I doubt Magnus will wake up, but he's been having nightmares since... and well, I'd hate for him to wake up with only Jazz to take it out on."

Lancer nodded her understanding, and got Marissa a heap of extra blankets and pillows for a makeshift bed by Magnus' side. Both of them ignored Jazz's weak calls for help, and by the time they had Marissa set up for sleep, the Specialist had added his snores to Magnus'.

"Are you going to be able to rest with all this noise?" Lancer wanted to know.

"I'm used to it...well, half of it anyway," Marissa said with a smirk. Then her eyes shadowed a bit. "You know, I like it when he snores...when he was catatonic, it was something he never did, and now when he sleeps quietly, I wake up. It's a struggle not to shake him awake just to be sure he will."

Lancer stared at her friend compassionately for a moment. "Get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one."

Marissa nodded, and got into her blankets. Lancer shut off the lights and went to her bedroom. It was a long time before she was able to take her own advise.

Continued in Part D!


	4. Chapter 4

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part D 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part D

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. If you have not read the nine original Maelstrom Comics and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do.

Continued from Part C!

The following morning began as it always did in Lancer's household - with Edana's five alarm siren announcing her tummy wanted feeding. It was 5:56 am. on the dot. Right on schedule. Edana was never a minute off. Given that her mother hadn't gotten any sleep until 4:30, the usual bottle was NOT ready to pop immediately into the baby's mouth, increasing Edana's wails by a factor of ten.

Also unusual were the resounding groans of anguish from around the house.

Marissa raised her head, and saw Lancer, clad in robe, stumbling zombie-like into the nursery. Moments later, the mutant stumbled, still more asleep than awake, to the kitchen. The only difference was she now carried the screaming baby with her.

The groans from the couch got more dramatic.

"Need a hand?" Marissa offered politely, but praying at the same time Lancer would say no.

Lancer shook her head, too tired to even smile in acknowledgment of Marissa's offer. Marissa understood completely. The lights in the kitchen went on, and the sounds from the sofa took on a tortured edge. Marissa put her face back in the pillow and went immediately back to sleep. Once she had identified any given noise as non-threatening or needing her attention, she could block out practically anything.

Anything except.... "Marriiissa?" a weak little voice said from over her head. The sound barely penetrated over Edana's angry wails, but it found Marissa's spine somehow in a way she couldn't ignore.

"Yes, Magnus? What is it?"

"I don't feel good," he said, resting his face along the side of the sofa bed to look down at her.

When did her invulnerable City Commander turn into this whiny little boy?

"What's the matter Magnus?"

"I have a headache, my stomach feels queasy, and my mouth takes really bad," Magnus informed her. He seemed to think it was a very impressive list of ailments.

"You have a hangover," Marissa diagnosed. "Wonderful. I was hoping you would skip this part. It figures you wouldn't; its been that kind of day....and it isn't even 7am yet."

"What's a hangover?"

"It one of the lovely results of being totally drunk," Marissa said.

"Oh.....When was I drunk?" Magnus wanted to know.

"Will you please be quiet man? You're voice is doing bad, bad things to my head." Jazz's voice came out muffled beneath two pillows where he was trying in vain to shut out Edana.

In the kitchen, they heard Lancer shuffling around. She came into view by the doorway, and shoved a bottle in Edana's mouth in much the same way mother birds jam in worms. Blessed silence fell, and Lancer leaned on the doorframe with her eyes closed. She swayed on her feet, and then jerked awake a few times. Marissa watched her in alarm, but the mutant didn't seem likely to actually drop the baby. Neat trick. Marissa hoped that maybe Lancer would show her if she turned out to be more than "just a little late."

A big finger prodded her rudely in the back of the skull, startling Marissa out of her musings. She looked over at Magnus again.

"When was I drunk Marissa?" he asked again, a little more urgently this time.

"Last night. Don't you remember?" Marissa asked.

"Will you two PLEASE hold it down out of respect for the dyin'?" Jazz groaned.

"You aren't dying," Magnus growled, "It's called a hang-over." Then his eyes widened and he turned anxiously back to Marissa. "It's not fatal is it?"

"Only to those who won't shut up in the presence of those suffering from them," a harsh voice said from the door to Lancer's room. Rodimus leaned there, a mirror image of his mate, only without the baby. Apparently he sent to her because she winced and snapped at him sleepily.

"I've got her, and keep that headache to yourself! It's bad enough I didn't get any sleep, I don't need that too!"

"Sorry," Rodi said dejectedly. He looked genuinely ill and depressed, and Lancer actually did feel sorry for him. She brought the baby over for him to look at while she checked his forehead for fever.

"It's just a hangover. Go get something to drink. You need the fluids," she advised.

"If I drink, I'll puke," Rodi told her with certainty. He leaned his head on the doorframe again, and winced a little when he made contact a little too hard.

"I want you to try anyway," Lancer insisted. She handed him Edana and went back to the kitchen. Marissa lifted herself up off her blankets to look at Rodi over the sofa-bed. She had to lean back to see him around Jazz's knees, and saw that Rodi had apparently also mastered the art of holding Edana and sleeping at the same time. Edana happily sucked on her bottle and babbled to herself. Rodi smiled but didn't open his eyes.

Lancer came out moments later with three glasses full of water. She handed one to Marissa, who held it until Magnus got himself painfully upright. The City Commander didn't take it right away, but sat there a moment with his hands clasped over his head, and his forehead resting on his knees. When he finally did take it, it was only by extending one hand towards Marissa and clasping it when she put it in his grasp. Then he merely held it, without moving the rest of him at all. Marissa sighed.  
"Sit up Jazz, and drink this," Lancer said.

"Ugghh," Jazz said, "Haven't we drunk enough recently?" he tried, by way of avoidance.

"Look, I know this doesn't sound appetizing right now, but it really will help your head. Alcohol is very dehydrating."

"Then why do I have to pee so bad again?" Jazz wanted to know.

Lancer sighed. "Where do you think all your fluids went to silly? Sit up and drink this, and then you can go to the bathroom." Jazz took his water and stared at it mournfully.

"I need to use the bathroom too," a muffled and embarrassed voice from Magnus' knees announced.

"Drink your water first," Marissa told him.

"What about you?" Lancer asked her mate as she traded him the glass for the baby.

"I took care of that before I came out," he said with a thin smile, "But Edana didn't. She's wet."

Lancer looked down at her daughter and confirmed his report. She sighed.

"I'll change her if you drink the water," Rodimus offered helpfully.

"You wish," Lancer said. "Down it."

Rodimus frowned in disappointment, and then followed her orders a little too literally. He threw his head back and gulped the large glass of cold water too fast for his shaky stomach.

"No don't...!" Lancer cried, but it was too late.

Rodimus stood there looking startled for about five seconds, and then tore off for the bathroom. He didn't get the door shut and they could all hear him throwing up, which did nothing to improve Jazz or Magnus' opinion of drinking anything right now.

"That is NOT a good sound, Man," Jazz proclaimed, listening to his leader retching away. In Jazz's opinion, there was no harsher judgment to bestow on anything in the universe.

"Marissa! You can't still mean for me to drink this! Listen to him! The sound alone makes me want to join him!" Magnus said, his voice wavering between righteous indignation and pathetic mewling.

"He just drank it too fast, that's all. Drink yours carefully," Marissa said with the implacable authority she had learned at her mother's knee.

"'Kay," Magnus mumbled, wishing, just once, he had the strength to refuse her.

Lancer listened to her mate being sick and shook her head. Then she went into the nursery to change Edana. By the time that was finished, Rodimus still hadn't left the bathroom, although they could hear he was finished being sick. Lancer went in to check on him (she really wanted to avoid mind contact as much as possible - she certainly didn't see the need to suffer his hangover with him.) When she got to the bathroom, she found him laying flat on the floor.

"Rodimus Prime! What ARE you doing?" Lancer said. She was already fed up with the insane antics of the day. The way she saw it, the boys had already used up their quota.

"The floor is cool, and it's helping my headache," Rodimus told her. Apparently he had no intention of getting up.

"Get up! You look ridiculous!" Lancer snarled.

"No. It FEELS good. I don't care how I look!"

"You will when one of the others needs to use the bathroom. The way this day's been going they will either stand on you or pee on you!" Lancer said.

"Right now, I couldn't care less," Rodimus said.

"I'll get you some ice! Go get back in bed you big stubborn infant! And this is the person who wants another kid! As if I didn't have my hands full already!"

Rodimus moaned. "Get the ice. Then I'll get up!"

"You'd better move that behind before I flash-fry it!" Lancer said.

"You're mean," Rodimus accused.

"Three," Lancer said.

"Oh come on Lancer!"

"Two," Lancer said.

"OK!OK! I'm moving! I'm moving," Rodimus said, picking himself up very, very carefully.

From the living room they heard a short *pop* and a yelp.

"Hey! No Fair," Rodimus was heard saying.

"You shouldn't have wasted those first two seconds!" Lancer called back, as she entered the living room. "What Jazz?! You haven't started your drink yet?" she said with a feral grin and an ominous, glowing finger.

"Yes I have!" Jazz said quickly, taking a hurried sip. "See?!"

Magnus smiled a little smugly - his glass was almost half-empty.

"Oh what are you grinnin' at you big ape?" Jazz snapped. "She didn't have to threaten you because YOU come pre-whipped!"

"HEY!" Magnus yelled. His loud voice caused them both to clutch their heads.

"Owowow!" they said together.

Magnus glared balefully at Jazz.

"I'm only callin' em like I see 'em," Jazz asserted.

"Watch it Jazz," Magnus growled.

"OK you two. That's enough. I saw enough brawling last night," Marissa said sharply. She had just resigned herself to being awake, and she was in no mood for nonsense.

"But Marissa..." Magnus started.

"Not another word Mr. City Commander. This is Lancer's home and you are going to behave! Is that clear?"

Magnus rumbled to himself, but subsided, at least until he heard Jazz whispering "whipped, whipped, whipped," under his breath too low for Marissa to hear.

Headache temporarily forgotten Magnus rose up on his knees, hand raised and shouted "I'll show you whipped you skinny little bast...."

**LIGHT!**

"ahhhh!" Magnus and Jazz screamed. Lancer stood in the doorway glowing from every portion of her body as if she were a powerful but continuous strobe light. Closing their eyes didn't help much, and even Marissa was cringing away, although she was also laughing and encouraging Lancer.

"HAHAHAH! Good idea Lancer! Let 'em have it!"

"AHHHH! Lancer! Cut it out!" Jazz cried.

"We surrender already!" Magnus shouted.

The light ceased, and Marissa applauded.

"CRUEL!" Jazz proclaimed. "Heartless females!"

"You keep that in mind the next time you try to start a fight on my sofa," Lancer said with a smirk.

"Lancer?" a pathetic voice from the bedroom called. "Where's my ice?"

"I'll be right there you big baby!" Lancer called, causing Magnus and Jazz to cover their ears again. She was holding three plastic bags full of crushed ice, and she looked at Marissa skeptically.

"Should I let them have these?" she asked, swinging the bags.

"I guess so," Marissa said, but her voice carried doubt.

"Do you think they will behave once their heads feel better?" Lancer wondered, as Jazz and Magnus looked up at her with surprise and dawning hope.

"Hmmmm... Probably." Marissa said, looking at Jazz and her mate skeptically. They looked desperately from her to Lancer and the enticingly swinging bags.

"Well...." Lancer said. "Do you boys PROMISE to be good?"

"Yes!" they replied in unison.

Lancer held the bags a moment longer while she pretended to decide; then she tossed them the bags, and left it to Marissa to show them how to use them.

Lancer went into the bedroom and sat down next to Rodi. She handed him the bag and then turned on the light by the nightstand to look at him. He flinched away from the light a little, but sighed in relief when he got the ice on the back of his neck. Lancer didn't much like what she saw as she inspected him. Aside from the expected effects of the hangover, he also had some lovely bruises coming to the surface on his face and arms, and probably elsewhere she couldn't see. He flinched again when she touched the swelling under his left eye. There was a slight cut there as well as a bruise, probably caused by a ring, although they would never know for sure because he couldn't remember.

"We should have First Aid repair these today," Lancer mused as she counted contusions.

Rodimus didn't answer her. He just looked dejectedly down at their dark grey comforter and tried to hide his bruises underneath it.

"Well," she said, ducking her head and trying to meet his eyes.

"I don't want to," he muttered so that she could barely hear him.

"What? What do you mean by that asinine remark?"

"I don't want to," Rodimus said with more conviction. "I should have to heal like humans heal."

Lancer paused a long moment. "Would...would you care to EXPLAIN that to me?"

"I hurt those men, Lancer, and they won't be able to have First Aid just fix it."

"Rodimus, they attacked you!" Lancer said.

"Yeah well, they got more than they bargained for!" Rodimus snapped.

"That's their problem. No one locked them in a room with you and forced them to fight, and even those that saw you kicking ass kept coming! It's not your fault they're stupid," Lancer said. She understood his problem - she had been the one to remind him constantly when she had trained him to be careful with what she was teaching, but she also meant what she said. Maybe Rodi HAD gone overboard, but it hadn't been a warrior's battle. The men involved had had a choice to fight or not. The only thing at stake had been their egos.

Rodimus grumbled and muttered under his breath, and Lancer smiled at him affectionately. He didn't agree with her, his heart didn't anyway, but he couldn't think of any counter-argument either.

There was an embarrassed coughing at their door. Magnus stood there unsteadily, looking sheepish. Rodimus stared at him blankly, trying to figure out what he could possibly want, but Lancer knew. She smiled, and pointed towards the bathroom. Magnus tip-toed his way there, as if that would help them not notice all seven feet of him intruding into their bedroom and slipping into their bathroom.

Rodimus gave Lancer an incredulous look. "That was weird, even for Magnus," he said.

"Let him sober up the rest of the way. Then he'll back to his more usual brand of weird," Lancer told him.

Jazz appeared at the door. "Magnus! Hurry up!" the Specialist cried; he was fairly dancing in place. Magnus heard him, but he was busy, and certainly in no mood to hurry after the whole "whipped" incident. Jazz's jumping got more and more profound as the minutes passed.

Rodimus watched all this through red, gummy eyes, and a haze of head-achy pain. The previous night's activities were largely a blur to him right now, but he remembered enough to feel very guilty. In fact, he remembered just enough to imagine things far worse than he'd actually done. He also clearly remembered his howling City Commander, and Jazz's little strip-show came to him in vague flashes (usually as glimpsed from around some opponent's shoulder, fist, leg, or other intruding body section.)

"Did we kill anyone?" Rodi asked his mate.

"No," she answered.

"We totaled the bar though didn't we?" he pressed.

"You certainly did," Lancer said. She felt just a little evil pride that her training had seen him through a fight with all those thugs in spite of the fact he was totally plastered.

It was time to face the ultimate horror. "Did I throw up in Op's trailer?" Rodimus asked, although he didn't really want to know.

"You certainly did," Lancer said, rubbing her hands comfortingly across Rodi's shoulders.

The young Prime sighed. There are some things you just can't apologize for.  
Jazz was now busting a move with his knees knocked together.

"Don't you think its time to be an inspiration to your troops?" Lancer said, nodding her head towards the bathroom door.

"I suppose," Rodi said with a long-suffering sigh. He called loudly to his vengeful City Commander. "MAGNUS! If he pisses on my floor YOU are cleaning it up!" The pain in Rodi's head increased with that shout, but his City Commander made a miraculous appearance at the door. Lancer and Rodimus followed him with accusing eyes as he headed towards the living room (Jazz had already zipped in and slammed the door the instant it opened), but Magnus' face was an unrepentant mask.

Rodi sighed and rested his head against Lancer's shoulder. She placed her head gently on top of his. They both closed their eyes, and promptly fell back to sleep sitting upright and leaning on each other for support.

Jazz came out of the bathroom and spied them. He grinned and went to the doorway to the living room where he waved at Marissa and Magnus until they reluctantly got up to see what his problem was. Neither of them felt like moving, but he was quite adamant about it. The three of them crowded the door, and snickered about the view for a few minutes. An evil impulse struck Marissa which she shared in a whisper with the other two. They were very quickly enraptured with her little scheme.

She counted down on her fingers - three, two, one....

"AWWWWWW", they said, quite loud and in unison.

Neither of the two on the bed flicked an eyelash, but Lancer's hand moved slowly, as if it was independent from the rest of her body....her fist closed loosely, except for the middle finger. Rodi's hand, they noted, was performing a similar feat, only it was still flopped down on the bed beside him. No amount of snickering or teasing seemed destined to budge them, and Magnus and Jazz quickly grew tired of it. They both still felt very sick - they just couldn't let themselves miss the opportunity to needle Rodi and Lancer just a little - now that was accomplished and they were ready to lie down. Marissa was very disappointed in them for giving up so quickly.

Then a restless and slightly unhappy burbling from the nursery did what three grown, evilly minded warriors could not - motivate Lancer to move. Edana had finished her breakfast and was now ready for her morning tumbling session. Lancer groaned. Normally she AND Rodimus were up before this, but she wasn't ready to be awake yet today. She got up out from under Rodi when he didn't move even though he knew she had to go check on their daughter. When Lancer withdrew her support, Rodi simply let himself fall forward into the blankets with a grunt.

Marissa would have paid dearly for a camera for the way his weight squashed up his face. Lancer looked back at him over her shoulder when she noticed Marissa's grin and had to smile herself. He looked pretty silly. Sending this image and opinion to her mate only resulted in another display of his central finger. Other than that he didn't budge. Lancer smirked, and Marissa giggled, and followed Lancer into the nursery.

Edana grinned hugely at them from her crib when they came in, and babbled her greetings in a string of nonsense syllables and drool.

"Well," Marissa said with a yawn, "at least SOMEONE around here is in a good mood. All of the late night interruptions in her sleep doesn't seem to be bothering her."

"She's used to it," Lancer said. "She has yet to sleep a full night. Normally though I do get to have some sleep BEFORE she wakes up as well as after. Up you go Big Girl. Is it just me or are you ten pounds heavier than yesterday? Just me huh? I see. Oh, thanks you for that slimy hand on my face. Between you and Magnus I've been well smeared today!" She set the baby on the floor and they watched her trundle off - walking a few steps, losing her balance, and deciding to just crawl for it the rest of the way to the living room.

Her yammering caused new groans of anguish from the sofa bed, where Jazz and Magnus had re-collapsed now that they had nothing to entertain themselves with.

"How the mighty have fallen," Marissa observed wryly. "Here lay the Indomitable Autobots, felled by the babblings of a human baby girl."

"So?" Magnus said into his pillow, "Edana's just starting a little younger than you did. You females LIKE to see us fall."

"Whipped," Jazz mumbled.

"So speaks the person who latched on to KC's ankle last night, and got dragged across the floor BEGGING for her to marry him," Lancer said before Magnus could start up with the death threats.

Magnus smiled a little, for all that he was in pain. "Oh really? Do tell Lancer."  
Jazz just looked confused.

"Oh yes," Marissa said, shaking her head sadly, "It was simply shameful! Really. It was quite hard to watch a grown man abase himself in such a fashion. He quite literally GROVELED."

"I...I..uh," Jazz stammered.

"I'm afraid I have to confirm the Captain's assessment. It was groveling, no doubt about it. I don't think I've ever seen anything so, so UNCOOL before," Lancer said.

Magnus looked incredibly smug. "Whipped," he whispered at Jazz out of the side of his mouth. Even if the women hadn't heard him they would have guessed from the way Jazz's head snapped around.

"OWOWOWOOOOO!" Jazz moaned. "I didn't ask her to marry me! She won't even date me yet!" he said, carefully (for his head's sake) but with conviction.

"Did you know that booze disrupts the brain's inhibitions Jazz?" Marissa asked. "People do things drunk they'd never DREAM of doing when sober, and don't tell me you don't have LOTS of dreams concerning KC."

At this point Magnus began to worry. He couldn't even enjoy the dumbfounded expression on Jazz's face. He'd had this weird dream...he hoped it was a dream. Great Cybertron! It'd better be a dream! Nah! What was he worrying about? He'd never do anything like that! It was definitely a dream.

"I didn't REALLY ask her to marry me did I?" Jazz said in a very tiny voice, fraught with terror.

"Whipped," Magnus whispered under the pretense of coughing. He got a little too reckless with it though and Marissa's eyes widened.

"MAGNUS!" she cried, and whacked him lightly across the back of the head. Magnus saw stars and all the progress he'd made on his headache was suddenly violently reversed. He couldn't even get out a single sound of protest right away, which was probably good because he could see Marissa's unsympathetic hand waiting to deliver another blow the instant he cried foul. He fell back onto his pillow with an air of abject defeat. Fortunately Jazz was in too much panic to rub in Magnus' latest trouncing at Marissa's hands.

"She's gonna kill me," Jazz whispered.

"Probably," Lancer smiled, rubbing his messy hair affectionately. Jazz batted weakly at her hands.

Edana scrambled skillfully onto the sofa bed between her two "uncles". (She could barely walk ten steps without falling, but climbed like a professional spelunker already.) She sat there quietly enough for a moment - just long enough for Magnus to cock one eye at her and smile. She seemed so proud of herself, drool and all, and she was so cute! Lancer's quarters had been specially shielded so Edana could go without her special glasses. Magnus liked seeing her whole face for a change, and her nearly white eyes didn't bother him as they seemed to bother normal humans. She reached for his face and he smiled again, aware that Marissa was watching him watch Edana.

Kids? It seemed like a pretty good idea right now. Look at those big innocent eyes! And that sweet smile. Of course, on Hot Rod, that smile had belied how much trouble the kid was going to turn out to be, but Magnus was sure Rodi was the exception. Nothing this angelic could possibly cause trouble the way her father had done...still did! Edana's little fingers brushed his face again, she grabbed his nose, pulled viscously, and let out the ear-shattering squeal only small children and dolphins ever managed. Once again she had vanquished three of the Autobots finest without effort - even her father in the next room was suffering at her hands - or rather her voice. Somehow clutching their ears desperately didn't help.

Lancer and Marissa surveyed the fallen and shook their heads.

"I dunno Marissa," Lancer said. "They ALL look whipped to me!"

Marissa laughed.

Shortly, the women lost patience with the ceaseless whining from all sides. The boys quickly learned pleas for sympathy were falling on deaf ears - especially when Lancer decided to boot them off the sofa-bed, and transform it back into a plain old sofa. Magnus acted like he could barely stand, while Jazz called them "heartless wenches." Lancer opted to live up to the classification by rapping the top of Jazz's head for that remark. Edana decided to squeal again for their benefit at that moment as well.

Jazz cursed all humans from the dawn of time.

Rodimus, having given up hope on sleep, joined his friends on the couch. Being a little clearer headed than the others at the moment, he merely cursed Talon.

Magnus just cursed. A lot. Especially when Marissa cruelly insisted he take a much needed shower and brush his teeth.

"Your breath stinks! You stink!" Magnus' mate informed him harshly.

"The very thought of toothpaste makes me want to throw up!" Magnus insisted. Jazz helpfully gagged at the mention of it. Rodi edged away from both of them.

"The smell of your breath makes ME want to throw up! Move it Mister!" Marissa ordered. Magnus sighed.

"whipped," Rodimus whispered. Magnus' head rotated like a gun turret to glare at him. Rodimus grinned innocently.

"Don't start Rodi," Lancer's voice said from the kitchen. None of the boys really wanted to know what she was doing in there.

"You never let me have any fun!" Rodi said. He scooped up Edana and made silly faces at her until she squealed in delight. He put her down immediately.

"OW! Man! Watch what you're doin' with that kid! You should teach her to sing Man. She'll be able to do the Garden WITHOUT amplification!"

"Have you thought of a career in garbage collecting Jazz?" Rodimus asked neutrally.

"Is that a threat Man?" Jazz asked defensively.

"Only if you keep complaining about my kid," Rodi said with a sweet, evil smile.

Jazz grumbled under his breath and slouched back on the couch.

Magnus watched all this with feigned interest. He was hoping not to call attention to himself, and that Marissa would get caught up in the antics of the other two. Anything but toothpaste right now! He fought not to look at his mate to see if she was indeed distracted, but finally lost his will power and cast a brief furtive glance her direction.

"AHHHH!" he cried. Marissa's scowling face was less than two inches from his own. He hyperventilated, and she winced, wrinkling her nose and waving her hands in front of her face. Galvatron had never looked so menacing.

"OK! I'm going," Magnus said, getting up on shaky legs.

Rodimus and Jazz, differences immediately forgotten, exchanged looks and then stared at him, grinning identical rotten grins. Neither said a word. Neither needed to.  
Magnus decided to kill them just as soon as his stomach settled down again. Optimus wouldn't mind surely. He headed for the bathroom.

"Use the red toothbrush!" Lancer called from the kitchen.

"That's mine!" Rodi cried out in dismay.

"Yes," Lancer agreed.

"I'll be sure to rinse it off well then," Magnus said seriously. He paused for drama's sake, "BEFORE I use it."

"Never mind the garbage duty Jazz," Rodimus said to the Specialist, "THAT position's just been filled."

Jazz snickered, and Edana joined him, screaming with delight. Marissa and Lancer thought THAT was funny, which did nothing to dissuade the baby, and Magnus was glad he got to retreat to the bathroom and shut the door. He could still hear the baby from there and counted himself well revenged for the insults....at least until the smell of the toothpaste hit his nostrils.

Rodimus demonstrated both his desperation and his courage by picking up Edana again. "Shhh. Now calm down now," he said to her, rocking her slightly. She did quit screaming, but continued to "talk" to him, (in a more tolerable decibel range) staring sincerely up at his face and yammering continuously.

"Really?" Rodimus said, "You don't say! Uh-hu. Uh-huh! No! Really? Jazz is whipped too? He didn't! On the floor? KC's ankle?! You are right! He IS whipped!

Jazz flopped back down on the pillows. "I hate you, Man," he decreed.

As if on cue, the silent alarms in Lancer's quarters flashed on light frequencies not visible to normal human vision. Lancer could see them just fine, and they told her someone was nearing her front door.

"Company's coming," she said, checking the visuals and smiling when she saw it was KC. The young woman's scan came up negative for conversion, and Lancer entertained a brief fantasy of not needing to think about it.

"How do you know?" Marissa asked.

"The proximity lights went off," Lancer said.

"Proximity lights? My place doesn't have those," Marissa said.

"Of course it does!" Rodimus said, "I told you about them the week before...before the party you held there. Don't tell me you forgot about them!"

Marissa gave him a blank look.

"I said you should have told them separately," Lancer said dryly. "They weren't listening to you at all."

"I suppose I get what I deserve for trying to talk to people who are busy making goo-goo eyes at each other," Rodimus said, looking from Magnus to Marissa and shaking his head.

Magnus' face began slowly turning purple. "You mean..to tell me," he hissed slowly, "that we have an early warning system that detects and identifies visitors...in Marissa's quarters?"

"Yeah. It's hidden in the coffee table," Rodimus said cheerfully. "I SHOWED you how to use it, but those weren't the buttons you seemed interested in pushing at the time."

Marissa groaned.

"You mean to tell me...that we have an early warning system....and I opened the door on Marissa's PARENTS IN MY UNDERWEAR?!" Magnus roared. The searing pain in his head only served to make him angrier.

"Hey! Why are you yelling at me? Just because you and Marissa have no self control doesn't make it MY fault that...."

"RODIMUS!"

" Now, now boys. Don't upset the baby," Lancer said in that sweet tone that registered in them both as the direst of threats. "Besides, KC's here." She went to the door and politely waited for KC to knock before opening it. Jazz whimpered.

"Good morning, KC," Lancer said.

"Hello Lancer," KC said (FAR too alert and cheerfully for the rest), "How are Rodimus and Magnus this morning?"

Lancer arched an eyebrow, but didn't comment on the missing name. "They are miserable, grouchy, and bickering like two-year olds," she informed her student.

"So pretty much back to normal then?" KC said.

"Ooo," Rodi grimaced, "She's getting better at this."

Jazz was staring at KC from the couch with the look of a scolded puppy, but the young woman somehow didn't seem too interested in looking that particular direction. Jazz hung his head. Marissa, in spite of her shock over her neglected alarm system, smirked a little. Magnus, on the other hand, (not about to give up even the slimmest excuse of blaming the underwear fiasco on someone other than himself) was still glaring fixedly at his soon-to-be-deceased commander.

"Hi there Edana!" KC said when the baby came up to her expectantly. "Are you helping with your daddy's hangover?" KC scooped the little girl up and swung her overhead. Edana squealed. The males quailed. "I see that you are! Such a brilliant baby!"

"Casey?" Jazz said in a very small voice.

"So? What are we doing today?" KC asked Lancer.

Lancer smiled a very slow, wicked smile. She was beginning to notice a trend in KC's behavior that she liked very much indeed. "Well, I'm getting ready to call in my new slave to babysit, and then I thought we girls might like to have a day to ourselves. After all, the boys had their big night already, I think we should have ours."

"Casey?" Jazz said.

"What did you have in mind?" KC said. Lancer smiled. KC wasn't even pointedly ignoring Jazz. Her eyes didn't even flicker his direction when he spoke, but she wasn't deliberately not looking at him either. When she happened to turn that direction, she seemed to see through him - he may as well have not been there at all.

"Oh, some shopping, some eating, some pampering," Lancer said.

"CASEY! I'm sorry!" Jazz said emphatically.

"Sounds good," KC said.

"Casey! Please, please forgive me!" Jazz cried, stumbling out of his seat towards her. She casually stepped away, leaving him groveling to empty air in confusion. Lancer thrilled to see her assassin's moves being put to good use.

"I agree," Marissa said. "You know, I know this lovely little spa where you can get the nicest looking young men to rub all the tension right out of your muscles."

"Oh yeah? You'll have to show us," Lancer said.

"HEY!" Magnus said indignantly, "That's my job!"

"Yes, but you're incapacitated right now," Marissa said. Magnus sputtered incoherently.

Rodimus tried a different track with his mate - sending her all sorts of indecent proposals designed to make the very idea of another male's hands on her body seem ludicrous.

"Keep that up, my love, and I may end up paying for more than just a backrub," Lancer said aloud. Marissa and KC looked at her questioningly (actually so did Jazz and Magnus, but she ignored them.) "I'll explain to you ladies later," Lancer said.

Rodi pouted..

Jazz stumbled after KC and once again lost his balance. He went down on one knee before her and went on about how uncouth his actions had been, and how eternally sorry he was for besmirching her ankles, and so forth. KC ignored him.

Rodi and Magnus (under a temporary cease fire with their mates and each other) watched the show with intense satisfaction. They would have to find a new classification for Jazz - he was well beyond whipped.

Continued in Part E!


	5. Chapter 5

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part E 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part E

Continued from Part D!

Lancer contacted Maelstrom, and was not surprised to find Robert already awake and busy.

"Talon's still in bed," Robert said in response to her question.

"Perfect," Lancer said, bringing her hand held communicator over to the others. "Do me a favor Robert?"

"Sure."

"Patch us to Talon quarters directly...and up the volume if you can?" Lancer said with an evil leer. Robert's cheerful face took on a sadistic quality. He did as she asked while Lancer coordinated with those in her quarters.

When Robert finished, they had a perfect view of Talon snoring blissfully away, with one thin sheet between them and his birthday suit. They smiled as one. Lancer doubted there had ever been a group more unified of purpose, and the countdown she whispered was merely a ceremonial formality.

"Three, two, one," she whispered.

**"TALON!" **

"!" Talon shrieked. They could hear Robert laughing hysterically on the line to the bridge. The was a mysterious *plonk*, and his voice suddenly seemed much further from the microphone.

Talon stared around himself frantically in bewilderment, coated with sweat, and unsure of what had even awakened him. Robert's laughter was all he heard, and the group in Lancer's quarters wasn't ready for that yet.

"GET YOUR ASS OVER TO LANCER'S NOW!"

Talon yelled again just in horror at the sheer noise they were making. They apparently also woke Pagan, who could be heard contacting Robert on the bridge to find out what was wrong. The could just barely make sense of what he told her through his guffaws, and heard her hissing laughter join his. Pagan didn't like being disturbed, but she was mean spirited enough to enjoy Talon's persecution.

The hangover victims suffered for their enthusiastic participation in Talon's wake-up call, but none of them regretted it, especially when Talon scrambled most of the way out of bed before realizing he wasn't dressed. He stopped himself just in time, and clutched the sheet to his body.

"OhmyGod!" Lancer wheezed between laughs, "HE'S BLUSHING! I didn't know Talon could blush!"

"GIRL! Get your spy cameras out of my quarters!" Talon blustered. He tried to make it sound like an order. They all laughed at him. Rodi and Magnus went so far as to give him advice on commanding tones.

"It will work better without the blush too!" Rodimus concluded, "Not to mention that lovely squeak you threw in at the end!"

"Get over here!" Lancer growled threateningly, her voice modulated demonically.

"See?" Magnus said. "That was exemplary Lancer."

"Thank you," she simpered.

"There you go Talon," Rodimus went on. "Imitate my darling mate. Of course, it might also help to get yourself mutant powers, and all those sharp appendages. Maybe you could do the voice at least. Try some poetic phrases like 'Talon. If you get them drunk I'm going to slice open your sack and feed you your balls on some of those little bamboo skewers. Don't worry, I'll roast them first!'"

All the men listening winced a little. The women smiled. Talon, wearing nothing but his sheet, trembled visibly.

"Ready for breakfast Talon?" Lancer said. They could hear poor Robert moaning in imagined anguish over the communicators. Pagan was laugh-hissing at him.

"Hurry up, Talon," Marissa barked. All merriment aside, she really was very angry with him, and it showed in her voice.

Magnus complimented her on her "drill-sergeant" tones.

"I ain't moving off this bed till you hens quit peeking!" Talon asserted.

"But Talon dear! You took our men to a show! We deserve one too! Equal rights!" Lancer said with a cruel snarl.

KC began hooting and applauding, and Marissa immediately joined her. Jazz was indignant. KC had certainly never expressed a desire to see HIM strip for her .... not to mention that she was still acting as if he didn't exist.

Eventually though, after Talon's headachy victims started to feel their pain again, the women relented enough to let Talon get dressed in privacy (mostly because none of them really wanted to see THAT body naked.) That and the fact that they wanted to humiliate him in person, and seeing him marooned on his bed rapidly lost its amusement.

X

X

X

Scarce moments later, one sweaty, out-of-breath, pyrotechnics and demolitions expert showed up at Lancer's door. He reflected, as the door opened, that he felt far safer and more at ease in a room full of drunken cut-throats than in this spacious dwelling with all the baby toys. Maybe it was the way seven sets of eyes zeroed in on him like frogs sizing up a fly. Even the baby looked at him seriously from where she stood on her father's stomach as he lay on the floor holding her upright. Rodimus simply looked at him briefly and Talon winced. He had to admit that Rodimus did look pretty bad - almost as bad as when Lancer had been speared.

Magnus and Jazz looked equally bad, if not a bit worse, and Talon could only dream of what Shellshock must look like. He studied the three smoldering females, and gained a whole new understanding of the phrase "hell to pay". There was a moment's pause, during which Talon looked back and forth between the three of them, smiling ingratiatingly. He opened his mouth to speak and suddenly Lancer flashed forward with the blinding speed she used in combat, her muscular impulses sped up with raw energy through her nerves.

Talon gasped. He hadn't even seen her move, but she now had the razor-like nails on her right hand around his testicles. He could just feel the points penetrating his clothing and prickling his skin. Even Rodi seemed a little surprised by Lancer's swift anger as she stared into Talon's eyes. Sweat beaded up on Talon's forehead. He had never once imagined Lancer might be serious about castrating him, but he could feel the implied threat was very nearly reality with the tension in her fingers.

He stared at her, unable to speak.

Her expressionless face didn't comfort him. The nails closed ever so slightly.  
Then, out of nowhere, a huge grin split her demonic face, revealing the gleaming fangs and making her look absolutely psychotic. Even those watching began to wonder if she wasn't really serious about her threats.

"SLAVE!" Lancer said joyfully.

"eeep!" Talon said.

The nails twitched.

"Silence Slave!" Lancer said lovingly. "Mistress has instructions for you! You must listen!"

"errr," Talon said.

The nails twitched again, this time actually causing some pain. Talon fell silently quickly. Rodimus smirked, shook his head, and turned his attention to helping his tottering daughter balance on his stomach. Talon's defeat was never in doubt and was therefore uninteresting. Edana's development, on the other hand, was a never ending string of wonders in her father's opinion, and he relished the time to spend with her.

"Walk Slave," Lancer said, not releasing her fingers. She tugged him slightly to the left, and he had no choice but to follow or become one of the "hens". He shuffled awkwardly after her towards the kitchen.

"This is the kitchen Slave!" Lancer announced when they arrived. The others (except Rodi and Edana) looked on in fascination.

"I kno..oooOH!" Talon began, but stopped when her fingers clenched sharply. He wasn't sure, but he thought he might just be bleeding a little from that one. Marissa's face took on a childish glow of wonder and admiration. Magnus worried about it a little.

"Slaves don't talk - they listen," Lancer said in a voice down another octave. "If they listen well, they may someday cease being slaves. If not, they may simply cease being. It might also do Slave good to consider that not listening was what made him a slave in the first place."

"....." Talon said.

"This is the kitchen Slave!" Lancer repeated. "Some slaves are a little slow," she told the others conversationally. "This one more than most." She turned back to Talon. "In the kitchen, you will get food for our men when they want it. In Rodi's case, you will get food at meal times whether he wants it or not. He will eat it because HE does not want to be in your position. In all things but that, you will obey him and the others as you do me. I am the MISTRESS, but you will wait on them, as they are all your Masters. Nod if you understand Slave."

Talon hesitated. He was getting angry over this treatment. He was older than all of them (he thought!) and she had no right to beEEEEE......

"You haven't nodded yet Slave! Nod if you understand. Shake your head if not, but do not ignore your Mistress ever again or be ready to be a unique eunuch!"  
Talon glared at her. The nails pinched sharply.

"eeeeEEEE!" Talon said. He nodded grudgingly.

"That didn't seem very sincere to me," Marissa said.

"Nor to me," Magnus said.

Talon glared at them. Lancer's nails squeezed. Talon saw stars.

"Do NOT look at your other Mistresses and Masters in THAT tone of voice," Lancer said, as if to a small, slow child, and daring him to comment on her choice of words.

Talon sighed in resignation.

"Better!" Lancer said. "Good Slave!" She patted his head. "Now then, you will also clean the kitchen. You will wash all dishes. You will scrub the floor. You will clean the refrigerator..." Lancer paused and thought for a second, "which DOES NOT mean throwing all the food out like Master Rodi may suggest. Now we will go to the bedroom...."

Lancer led her sweating friend from room to room, handing out orders at each step, until Marissa asked gleefully if she could help with the "guidance."

"Certainly Mistress Marissa!" Lancer said. "After all! He is your slave too, and will be doing your quarters tomorrow!"

Talon gave a mewling whine.

Magnus was REALLY starting to worry when Marissa's hand expertly replaced Lancer's at Talon's crotch. Talon had a moment to reflect on the different styles of the two women. He couldn't decide which was worse - Lancer's light, grazing prickle (which threatened to punch right through his skin) or Marissa's far more direct grip which promised to simply crush his balls into a pulp rather than puncturing them.

"Marissa?" KC said with a wicked grin, "Would you like a set of false nails?" She brandished a fine chain mail glove she had just woven out of metal from the floor. The mesh was delicate - the two inch fish-hooks at the end of each finger were not.

Marissa ogled the glove appreciatively, and considered all the lovely possibilities of having a metal shaper for a friend, but then she shook her head. "No thanks KC! It's a great idea, but I like to FEEL what I'm holding."

Magnus winced openly, and Marissa noticed. She winked at Lancer and KC, and then led Talon through the rest of the house while Lancer continued to dispense orders.

Shortly:

"So," KC asked cheerfully as she and Marissa waited while Lancer shut her door behind them, "Do you think we'll ever see Talon alive again?"

"No." Marissa said with a wicked smile - she was thinking of the look on her mate's face as they had left - the Decepticons would have recognized it.

"Absolutely," Lancer said at the same instant.

"Really?" Marissa asked, "What makes you say that?"

"Because Rodimus promised to stop them short of killing him and save him for us!" Lancer said proudly. She regarded the promise as a very mature and generous gesture on Rodi's part. "Other than that though, he's theirs for the day. I don't know about your boys, but mine already has big plans for Talon."

"Ahh," Marissa said. "Rodi plans. There's nothing worse, especially recently." She sighed in dramatic admiration. "You know...I almost wish we were staying to watch."

"I don't," KC said. "And by the way, Jazz IS NOT my boy Lancer!"

Marissa snorted, and laughed. Lancer grinned evilly. "Oh KC. He's yours alright! Your just haven't accepted delivery yet. That poor Autobot is a lost cause. I must say though, that I admire your will power. I don't think I could have ignored him at the end there."

KC frowned. It hadn't been easy, but what else could she do? She was glad they had left when they did. Jazz was easy to ignore when he was being ridiculous about things, but at the end he had just sat on the side of the couch staring at her with sad, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. He looked as miserable and bedraggled as a rain-soaked kitten, and it was all she could do to maintain her resolve.

She shuffled her feet and wished Lancer and Marissa wouldn't smirk so much about it. Jazz's infatuation really bothered her. KC did love Jazz, but had little faith in lasting relationships. That didn't mean she wanted to hurt him.

"I had to teach him a lesson." she finally said. "I don't even want to date him, and in his mind I'm already marriage material. He's way, way over the line."

"He DOES tend to go off the deep end sometimes," Lancer said, although it was more Rodi's memories talking than personal experience. "Don't you like him at all?"

"So?! Where are we going first?" KC asked, a bit desperately. Marissa and Lancer exchanged glances.

"The spa," Marissa said. "We should get our hot-tubbing and massage out of the way early so we can shop later. The place gets too busy anyway if you wait too long."

"Sounds good!" Lancer said. "I'm stiff."

"Hot tubs?" KC asked. "I don't have a bathing suit!"

"Bathing suit?" Marissa exclaimed, horrified by the very idea. "KC! You don't wear a suit in a hot tub!"

KC groaned inwardly, and wondered if facing Jazz had really been the lesser of two evils. 

X

X

X

Talon watched the door close and grimaced. Females. Always overreacting. You'd think these guys were the first to have a little hangover. He decided the best defense against the irritation he felt coming from his victims was a good offense. He set out to be offensive.

"Well, aren't you three a sorry sight! One little shot and every one of ya falls t' pieces. Ya disgrace your gender."

Magnus stiffened. Jazz wiped his snotty nose, and his china blue eyes grew cold as ice crystals. Rodimus smirked a little at Talon's audacity, but only because it made tearing the man's ego down that much sweeter.

"You know Talon....I promised Lancer to leave you alive for her, but if you keep that up I may not be able to keep that promise."

"Now Red," Talon started.

"Oh, you can call me Master Prime Talon," Rodimus interjected, causing the man to blink in confusion.

"Huh?" Talon said. He had yet to hear anyone address Rodimus by his name/title under any circumstances.

"Prime. My subordinates call me Prime, and you are as subordinate as they come today Talon." Rodi said. He was still laying on the floor with Edana, and spoke with a light cheerfulness which belied the chill glint in his eyes. Magnus and Jazz smiled - they could sense a Rodimus Prime tirade coming the way some animals sense impending earthquakes.

"Now looky here Red!" Talon blustered.

"MASTER Prime," Rodimus said again, sitting up and handing Edana to Jazz who took her a little awkwardly.

"It was just one shot fer cryin out loud! You ain't the first guys..."

"Autobots," Rodimus corrected.

"Fine! You aren't the first Autobots with a hangover," Talon began again.

"Yes we are," Magnus interrupted, before Rodimus had a chance. That gave Talon a moment's pause.

"OK. Fine, you are, but you ain't gonna be the last!"

"Oh Yes We Are," Rodimus said with a faint growl.

Talon looked at Rodimus with surprise. That growl could have come straight from Lancer, and reminded Talon that whatever he said to Rodimus might as well be said straight to Lancer. SHIT!

"You cost me my chance with Casey!" Jazz suddenly exclaimed, his eyes swimming and furious. "I blew it because of what you did! Now she won't even talk to me! She won't even LOOK at me!" The Specialist's lip trembled, and Rodimus' eyes grew a shade greener. He had never seen Jazz crack - not ever - and it wasn't something he'd ever wanted to see. Talon was unfazed.

"Now calm down Mr. Disco, she's just jerkin your chain."

"That's MASTER Disco to you Talon," Rodimus said, flicking his eyes at Magnus. Magnus smiled inwardly, and moved unobtrusively closer to Talon from behind. Talon, busy wondering what color Rodi's eyes really were, didn't notice.

"Get off it Red!" Talon said. If he had plans to say anything else, they were lost in the startled yelp he gave when Magnus grabbed him and flipped him like a doll. The next thing the demolitions expert saw were Rodi's feet.

"That's Master Prime there," Magnus snarled, giving Talon's head a solid *thunk* on the ground.

"You're good at that," Rodimus observed wryly, while Talon made incoherent sounds of protest and dismay. "Is that how you keep Metroplex under control?"

"No," Magnus said, "but I'm starting to think I might use it there in the future. It seems to make the point."

Rodimus cocked his head at Talon while the man struggled, upside-down, to free his ankles from Magnus' grasp. Even Jazz seemed to appreciate Talon's latest predicament, although the Specialist wasn't laughing as he would normally. Instead Jazz had a vicious little half-smile on his face.

Great Rodimus thought at Lancer, Your buddy has even turned Jazz into a sadist. Lancer could only send him wordless apologies for a reply. Of course, Rodimus wasn't feeling too merciful himself. He had a whole bar-full of blood on his hands and he wasn't pleased about it.

They let Talon exhaust himself for a while before addressing him.

"Who am I?" Rodimus asked Talon. The man's face was getting quite purple.

Talon glared at him. Rodi arched an eyebrow at Magnus who immediately clonked Talon's skull against the floor.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Rodi said, with false compassion. "I've been there. I know. Who am I? Think hard about your answer SLAVE, or your headache will soon surpass ours."

Talon knew what Rodimus wanted of course, but it took a few more solid raps from the Jolly Green Giant before his pain overtook his pride. He mumbled something about "Master" that was close enough for Rodi, who nodded at Magnus. Talon was unceremoniously dropped.

"Watch your language in front of Edana!" Rodimus exclaimed while Talon uttered some unique phrases describing the morning so far. At least he had the sense not to direct his remarks at any of those present, since he guessed, correctly, that Rodimus was just WAITING for an excuse to let Magnus make a jack-hammer out of him.

Talon sighed, and decided he'd better play along if he wanted to survive the day. "Yes Master."

"Master Prime," Rodimus grinned. Smug, rotten bastard.

"Yes Master Prime!" Talon snarled.

"Good! Good slave! Now go clean up the bathroom. I got a little puke on the floor this morning."

"As did I," Magnus muttered. "I told her I wasn't ready for toothpaste."

Talon picked himself up off the floor, and stomped off towards the bathroom. By the time he got there, Jazz had sullenly turned the TV on, (volume WAY down) and was changing channels rapidly with the remote. He and Magnus sat miserably on the couch, and Rodimus took back Edana so he could return to playing with her on the floor.

X

X

X

"Come on KC," Marissa said with a hint of laughter. "EDC personnel are supposed to be brave." The Captain made these observations from the side of a steaming hot-tub, where she leaned over the side looking at the younger officer. (Yes, the controversy around KC had FINALLY simmered down to the point they could promote her as she deserved.) The engineer was standing by the door clutching her towel nervously.

"I'd feel better if I had a suit," KC said. From where she was standing, all she could see was Marissa's face and shoulders, and KC would be happy to leave it at that. It was STILL very hard not to treat Marissa as a very superior officer, and seeing her nude somehow was just TOO disrespectful. Not that KC was to happy about the others seeing her. The steaming water didn't look entirely safe either.

The door behind KC opened, and Lancer strode in, also clad in only a towel, which she had arranged strangely to cover her whole left side.

"What's this? A traffic jam?" Lancer said wryly. "Go on KC. I promise not to let Rodi peek." At the back of her mind, Rodimus, who was entirely interested in the gorgeous young female he was trying to teach to say "Daddy" burst out laughing. The others looked at him for a moment, but they were getting used to such outbursts, and ignored him.

"Look who's talking!" Marissa teased. "What's with the monks robes Lancer?"

Lancer sighed. "I'm just trying not to freak out the whole place with the shoulder, OK? And I'm warning you two, it's ugly."

KC looked at Lancer compassionately, and tried to put aside her own shyness. She poked her toe at the water dubiously.

"It isn't that hot!" Marissa said, turning back around to sit properly on the underwater bench. She sighed contentedly. KC sighed, and felt the last of her carefully maintained innocence about her "superiors" gasping its last. She took a deep breath, resolved herself, and put her towel on the bench. Then she stepped into the water, trying to ignore the proud looks Lancer and Marissa threw each other.

Lancer repeated KC's actions and followed her into the tub. She deliberately didn't look at the other two so that they could have their chance to stare openly, and get used to what they saw. The scars on her shoulder had actually gotten quite a bit better in recent months, but they were still puckered and vibrantly hued in purple and red, with bright white ridges at the seams....and that was just the front. She often remarked facetiously to Rodimus that the back looked like the a landscape on Io, with cracks and fissures surrounding a volcanic eruption site.

KC politely pretended not to notice a thing.

"Lancer, your arm looks like it's been through a meat grinder," Marissa said bluntly.

Lancer smiled. "I did warn you."

"Can't they fix that up some more?"

"Not without more surgery, and I respond so poorly to anesthetics it's not really worth the risks right now, to me OR the medical staff! Anything they do now would be purely cosmetic anyway. When they need to replace the implants they'll clean it up some more."

"Hmmph!" Marissa snorted. "They should have done it right the first time."

Lancer grinned, "You forget how difficult the patient was being. Considering I fought them tooth and nail through half the surgeries, and set records for busting stitches afterwards, I think they did a pretty good job."

"Does it hurt?" KC asked.

"Not often. The water feels good though I must admit." Lancer said, sinking down to almost her chin and smiling. They laughed at her.

X

X

X

"Say 'Daddy', Edana. Come on kiddo, say 'Daddy'."

"Pppphhhtttt!" Edana said.

"Will you give it a rest, Man?" Jazz said grouchily. "You've been at it for over an hour, and we're tryin to watch the show!"

Rodimus cocked an eyebrow up at his Specialist. The show in question was an old cartoon called "Earthworm Jim." Rodimus couldn't decide what worried him more - that Jazz seemed too despondent to really enjoy it, or that Magnus hadn't left the room in disgust yet.

On the screen, Jim's sidekick Peter Puppy got hurt and mutated into a monster with a violent temper.

"Hey look! It's Lancer!" Magnus observed flatly.

The others gawked. Even Edana seemed stunned.

Jazz sniffled. Jazz snickered.

Rodimus started chuckling.

Jazz lost it completely, his helpless guffaws punctuated with the occasional "OW!"

Edana squawked along with her father who laughed until tears come down his cheeks. "You know.." he gasped, "..what's REALLY funny?"

"No what?" Magnus said. He seemed inordinately proud of himself, and was laughing at them laughing.

"SHE HEARD YOU!" Rodimus roared, his laughter taking off again.

Jazz and Magnus clamped up while Rodi roared.

"That's not funny at all, Man," Jazz said solemnly, and then laughed all the harder, moaning in pain as he did.

"Hmmppff," Magnus said, folding his arms and slumping back into the couch.

Talon peeked into the living room from the kitchen where he was scrubbing Lancer's floor. He listened to the sounds of amusement and anguish and shook his head.

"Damn Autobots don't even know how to have a hangover properly," he grumbled, and went back to scrubbing.

X

X

X

The ladies delayed their backrubs until Lancer's unexplained laughing fit passed. She did TRY to tell them what was happening, but gave up after her third attempt to speak clearly failed.

KC was glad for the short reprieve. If she was shy about the hot tub, she was petrified of the massage. All too soon though, it was time. She looked at her masseur - an elegant young man with kind eyes, and strong, sculpted fingers. She gulped, and cast a despairing look after her friends as they were led to their respective rooms.

Marissa took her massage as well deserved pampering, and savored every minute of it.

Lancer warned her masseur about her shoulder, and was only glad he was professional enough to hide his shock, and ask her questions about it so he knew what he was dealing with. She made up a story about being in a freak car accident that put a piece of wreckage through her shoulder and let him go to work. Scant minutes into her two hour massage told her he knew exactly what he was doing, and she felt her entire left side unknotting for the first time since she'd been hurt. She sighed in contentment.

KC's masseur pronounced her the worst bundle of nerves he'd ever seen, and was glad it was a two hour session since it took the whole first hour to get her to relax at all. 

X

X

X

Rodimus was feeling like he'd lost all touch with the universe he'd known. He was watching Ultra Magnus watching retro-cartoons. CARTOONS! And LOVING it! "Tasmania" had doubled him over, and once he got rolling he seemed to find everything funny. "Freakazoid" had found him pointing helplessly at Rodimus, who understood the comparison even though Magnus was incapable of articulating it. By the time "The Tick" came on, Magnus didn't even seem to mind that they pointed at him the same way.

Jazz seemed to enjoy the shows (both on the screen and off) well enough, but each commercial break left him time to mope about KC.

Talon scrubbed. Talon straightened. Talon sulked.

Rodimus deliberately messed up the bathroom and sent Talon in to do it again. Rodimus felt better about the loss of his City Commander. By the time the girls got done with their hot tub, the cartoons were over, and professional wrestling had taken over.

Magnus completely lost his sense of humor, and Jazz was the one who got totally entranced. The Specialist shouted at the TV, egging on the "good guys" and berating the "bad guys."

"That isn't right!" Magnus told Rodimus. Rodimus was helping Edana toddle around the living room.

"It's wrestling Magnus," Rodimus said, too muzzy headed too go for a more elaborate explanation.

"But that move can't possibly work! Who trained these men?" Magnus said indignantly. He wanted to know who would possibly send anyone into combat with such poor skills - they deserved to be court- martialed.

"It's fake Magnus. It's wrestling. They aren't really fighting." Rodimus said.

"That's stupid!" Magnus said.

Rodimus looked gravely at Mr. City Commander Cartoon Junkie, and debated about how to respond. He opted to play it safe.

"You are absolutely right," he said. If Magnus caught the ironic lilt in his commander's voice he gave no sign.

All of Rodi's diplomacy went immediately to waste when Magnus confronted Jazz about his enjoyment of the show.

"Jazz this is asinine! Turn it off!" Magnus said.

"No way Man! And looks who's callin what assinine! The Tick himself!" Jazz said.

"That was clever! This is just idiotic!" Magnus said.

"YEAH! And I KNOW you are an AUTHORITY on idiotic!" Jazz snapped.

"WHY YOU LITTLE....."

There was an ear piercing whistle that felled them both. It continued for an obscenely long time - Rodimus had good lung capacity. He felt the noise as much as they did, but fell back on the pain suppression which had seen him through the torture chamber. He was angry though, really angry this time. He loomed over them, all assassin, and applied pressure on the nerves in their wrists. They gave him their UNDIVIDED attention.

"If you two don't stop bickering I will introduce you to Lancer's testicle severing moves PERSONALLY! Is that VERY clear? Or shall I demonstrate?"

They opted NOT to have him demonstrate.

"Good," Rodi said, "Now shut up! I have a headache!"

Lancer, in the midst of a very relaxing muscle rub, felt Rodi's vexation with his friends and couldn't resist. She sent her mate her contentment and drowsy pleasure, just to rub in how much better HER day was going than his. She should have known better than to bait him.

Ohh, you like that do you my love? Rodi sent, viscous mischief threading his sending to the core.

X

X

X

Lancer felt panic set in. She tried to shield herself but it was too late. Rodi took her sleepy enjoyment from a vague warmth to a full blown blast of hot lust. He sent her images from their every joining - mingling them into a sensual fantasy she could feel. She cursed him - and his ability to memorize sensations and play them back. Fighting to keep him out proved vain as always. Oh sure, she could block his direct thoughts, but that only left her subconscious layers open to assault. She felt her body respond and vowed to kill him as soon as she saw him. Here she was, lying on a table, with nothing but a towel on over her ass, and a complete stranger with his hands all over her body. Pro that he was, her masseur gave no sign he sensed anything, but she knew better. She wanted to die of mortification.

X

X

X

Back at home, Jazz and Magnus noticed that Rodi was standing quite still, with a look of intense concentration. They recognized the far-off look in his eyes as a communication to Lancer, but those were usually quite fast. This time, their leader was "absent" for quite a while. They wondered what the evil little half-smile was about, and suddenly felt sorry for Lancer. They couldn't guess what Rodi was up to, but that look never meant anything but trouble, and unlike the rest of them, there was no escape for Lancer, ever.

X

X

X

Marissa came out of her massage feeling, well, what compared to a really good massage? She had actually fallen asleep and felt very relaxed and pampered. KC joined her in the waiting room moments later, and was actually smiling as she did. Marissa felt smug - at last they had gotten KC to unwind a little.

"Enjoy yourself?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah.." KC said, her voice a contented drawl. "Did you..?"

Marissa smiled slowly. "Yup. Guess we gotta wait a minute for Lancer. I dunno if I'll recognize her relaxed."

KC grinned, and nodded. They waited a few minutes, enjoying the soothing music, the placid art, and the luxurious furniture in the waiting room.

The door banged open sharply. Lancer stomped through. Moving with furious speed, she went up to pay the cashier who stared at her in dismay.

"Didn't you enjoy your massage?" the woman asked. "We have a money-back guarantee, if your masseur didn't live up to our..."

"No. It was fine. Here." Lancer said, thrusting cash at the woman, including tip. "He did a good job," the mutant seethed. She whirled on Marissa and KC. "Let's go," she snapped. They blinked at her in drowsy consternation, and got languidly to their feet. Lancer fairly vibrated with her need to escape.

"I'm gonna kill him. I gonna kill him slowly," she muttered under her breath over and over.

"Lancer what's wrong?" Marissa asked with concern. "Why would you want to kill your masseur?"

"Not him! RODIMUS!" Lancer snarled. She didn't seem ready to explain any more than that right away, so they decided to let the matter rest for a while.

X

X

X

"You guys gonna eat?" Talon asked. "It's time for lunch, an ya prob'ly should. "You too Re...Master Rodimus Prime Sir. I ain't gonna remind you again. If ya don't wanna eat, then ya answer to your woman yourself."

Rodimus jerked as Talon's voice shocked him back into awareness of his actual surroundings.

"Oh...I expect I'll answer to my woman...YOUR MISTRESS...in more ways than one when she comes home," Rodimus said with a smirk. "But I will eat a little, in the hope she may spare me."

"What were you doing to her?" Magnus wanted to know. He didn't feel up to eating yet.

"Lets just say I added some spice to her massage," Rodi said with a leer.

Jazz and Magnus exchanged looks again. "I pity your mate," Magnus said.

"I wish I could do that," Jazz said at the same moment. "Maybe KC wouldn't hate me then." He threw Talon the latest of many accusatory glares. Talon rolled his eyes and made his speech (again) as he had been ordered by Master Prime.

"I apologize for my actions Master Jazz, which have soured your interactions with the fair Mistress KC. I will do everything in my power to make up for my grave mistake, and grovel for your forgiveness from now until the end of time, or until the women kill me for being an idiot. Whichever comes first. Amen." He knelt on the floor and bowed three times.

Jazz couldn't help but smile a little, but then he sighed. He didn't want to see Talon humiliated - he wanted a chance with KC.

"It will be all right, Jazz." Rodimus said. "She's just scared. Maybe you should ease off a little. You scare me sometimes, and I'm NOT the one you're after."

Jazz pouted a bit, but nodded. Then he headed for the kitchen, thinking to get his mind off his would-be-girlfriend by feeding his sour stomach. Rodimus clapped him on the back and followed him.

He noticed Talon was still prone on the floor though and stopped.

"Hey Jazz? Aren't you forgetting something?"

"No."

"Oh, come on Jazz. He's getting good at that!" Rodimus said, seeing the strain in Talon's back.

Jazz grumbled, then relented. "You may rise Slave," he said.

Talon got to his feet with a groan of relief. Jazz flashed him another disgusted glare, and went to drown his sorrows in the frig. Granted, his appetite was not at its usual peak, but Jazz was feeling a good bit better than he had. He had ingested his drink far more carefully than his friends, and was actually fairly close to being recovered, except for the headache. Of course, the stress over KC, and the way he kept grinding his jaw probably didn't help.

He raided some leftovers, and made himself a sandwich. In his opinion, that constituted taking things VERY easy.

Rodimus had a bagel. Plain. Untoasted. In his opinion, that was pushing his luck.

Continued in Part F!


	6. Chapter 6

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part F 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part F

Continued from Part E!

Magnus watched Rodimus pick at his bagel and was somewhat disturbed. The City Commander had no appetite whatsoever - in fact he still felt a bit sick, but never before had his food-phobic leader been willing to eat when Magnus wasn't. Talon had already made enough disparaging remarks about them all being "wimps" and "unable to hold their liquor". It was insulting, and Magnus wondered why his friends seemed to be recovering faster than he. He wasn't experienced enough yet to know that the speed with which one drank made a big difference - which was why Jazz was better off. Nor did anyone really know yet how efficiently the Jabez had designed Rodimus' body. It was made to run on scant resources -which was why Rodimus got away with as little food as he did, and part of why he'd gotten so terribly drunk. However, he was also built to filter toxins quickly, and was currently feeling even better than Jazz.

Magnus didn't have that advantage. Nor had he been sweating out the alcohol dancing or fighting like his companions. He was far and away the worst off of the four of them. (Shellshock was fully recovered on the Maelstrom - his body was even better at filtration than Rodimus'.) Nevertheless, Magnus wasn't about to ADMIT that the experience had hit him harder than the others, and stubbornly ignored his stomach's warnings. If Jazz and Rodimus were up to eating, then so was he. Now, what sounded good? Nothing. What did he like normally that was currently in Lancer's frig? Ah-ha! There was a possibility.

"Are you sure you're up for that?" Rodimus asked dubiously when Magnus plopped a solid mass of left-over spaghetti on a plate. "You look a little green."

Magnus opted for a glare for an answer, and Rodimus shrugged and subsided. He had finished his bagel, and was now having fun feeding his daughter little spoonfuls of some kind of orange paste from a jar. Edana grinned toothlessly, and "talked" to him the whole time - getting as much food ON her face as in it.

Watching her spit food deliberately and giggle about it, Jazz said, "The kid's got your sense of humor Rod-man, and your eating habits too!"

"That's only because she's brilliant!" Rodimus said smugly. "Isn't that right Edana? Yes it is. You go right ahead and spit out those nasty old smushed carrots! Spit them at Uncle Talon! He deserves it!"

Maybe so, but Magnus was the one who felt disgusted instead of amused. He doggedly vowed to persevere, and put his plate in the microwave, trying not to inhale the smell. Why did it make him so nauseous now, when normally he found it so appealing? Human bodies were so full of odd contradictions.

When it was hot, he pulled it out and ate as quickly as he could, as though trying to outrun the sick feeling in his gut. The others exchanged glances, and Rodimus quirked an eyebrow. He had a pretty good idea of what Magnus was feeling from the City Commander's pale tone, and sweat sheened face. He also had a pretty good insight into the likely results, but hey, he'd tried to warn him! The plate was cleaned in record time, and Magnus leaned back in his chair, feigning satisfaction, but actually in severe pain.

"What?" he snapped at Rodi's ironic stare. Rodimus was saved from answering by a massive belch that rumbled up from the pit of Magnus' gut. Even Talon's eyes widened from where he was once again scrubbing the floor since Rodimus had decreed it "not shiny enough". Magnanimously, Rodimus had given Talon a toothbrush to do it with - actually it was Rodi's own toothbrush. He had no intention of using it after an ill City Commander.

"That registered on the Richter Scale, Man," Jazz said, impressed.

Magnus made no comment, only grunted. Casually, he tried to stand up and head for the bathroom since he was REALLY not answering because he was afraid to open him mouth. He had felt this sensation a few times, but never when he could clearly remember. There were only a few vague flashes from the night before. Something about a friend....

Magnus got all the way up and belched again. Rodi grinned, and Jazz felt the usual nervousness at the sight of that smile. It usually spelled disaster for someone.....Jazz got a look at Magnus' face. OH MAN! He couldn't watch!

Magnus swayed slightly, turned to leave the kitchen, and let out another huge belch. Talon looked up...just in time to ponder his fate as Magnus' stomach erupted. Half-chewed strands of spaghetti torrented out on to the table, the back of Magnus' chair, and mostly on to Talon's upturned face - not ENTIRELY accidentally. Magnus felt a certain amount of justice was due, and had aimed accordingly.

Rodimus roared, applauded, and gagged a little himself. He exclaimed on the sheer disgust of it all, and then laughed all the harder - thanking his annoyed, nauseated City Commander for a perfectly executed revenge.

Jazz held his nose, and cringed.

Talon's features, only vaguely recognizable under the tangled mass of sauce, spaghetti, and bile, reflected a kind of shocked horror that better suited a cartoon character than a grown warrior. There were two dark spots where his eyes were, an indistinct highland where his nose resided, and a gaping hole where his mouth hung open. He didn't move. His expression didn't flicker. He just stared up at them with that amazed look. He obviously was telling himself it was all some kind of bad dream, that this could not POSSIBLY be happening to him, and that if he simply concentrated hard enough he could wake himself up.

Magnus burped again and Talon flinched dramatically.

Still green, Magnus smiled anyway. He headed for the bathroom quite fast though, and they all heard him retching wretchedly for some time.

Rodimus alternated between pitying his sick friend, and laughing at Talon mercilessly.

The mask of spaghetti moved in such a way as to indicated Talon was glaring balefully at the hysterical Autobot Commander, although only his eyes were visible when his mouth was closed. Jazz merely looked ill himself. Talon didn't exactly smell good.

Rodimus tortured Talon with the idea that they would let him wear his "handsome, new toupee" for the rest of the day until Magnus stumbled out of the bathroom. The City Commander still looked pale, and he wasn't happy about still being hung-over when the others weren't, but he was congratulating himself on at least turning his illness into an offensive weapon. A REALLY offensive weapon! The minute he flopped down onto the couch, Rodimus took mercy on Talon and all their noses. Rodimus handed Talon some paper towels to wipe the worst of the gunk off with before he walked anywhere else in the house. Once Talon rediscovered his skin, Rodimus sent him to the shower, but not without first making it clear that Talon DESERVED to spend the day with puke all over him, but that no one else deserved the punishment of smelling him.

Even Edana was wrinkling her nose. She was also laughing though - she picked up on her father before she did anyone else, even Lancer.

Talon headed gratefully for the shower.

Rodimus was kind to the man - he only flushed the toilet on Talon twice.  
X

X

X

The waiter was somewhat worried by the fact that the first thing the blonde with the braid said when he set her food down was, ÒOH! EWWW! That's disgusting!" and flopped her head down on the table.

"If Madame doesn't care for her plate...." the waiter began.

"NO! Err...No. It's fine! I wasn't talking about the food. I'm sorry. Don't worry about it!" Lancer stammered apologetically. At the back of her mind Rodimus roared with amusement at both what he was seeing AND her embarrassment. How he loved cracking her control!

"I see," the waiter said stiffly and walked off. He was a bit dissappointed. His coworkers had been congratulating him ever since Marissa's party had taken their seats. Marissa had become sort of a legend at this place ever since she had entertained the staff with her handling of a rude date. Stories about that night still circulated about a customer who almost made the job fun, but now this waiter worried the joke was on him.

"I think you've worried him, Lancer. What's the matter with you?" Marissa said.

"Take a wild guess!" Lancer snapped irritably.

"Who needs to guess?" KC said. "I'm just glad MY mind isn't linked with anyone else's. Particularly someone with a sadistic sense of humor like Rodi has! No offense Lancer, but he drives me crazy enough on the OUTSIDE of my skull!"

"I'm with KC," Marissa said avidly. "Magnus is the best thing in my life, but he's on my mind MORE than enough already. No thanks! So! What is the lunatic up to now?"

"Actually he's just transmitting something Magnus did," Lancer said with a semi-disgusted laugh.

"Oh no! He didn't kill Talon did he?" Marissa said - only half joking.

"No. Worse. He puked on him," Lancer said.

"WHAT?!" Marissa and KC asked in unison.

Lancer grinned at their twin expressions. It didn't hurt that Rodimus was still laughing away at the back of her mind either. "Well you see, I think the Major General was probably a good bit sicker than the other two loonies. Rodi says he's been looking rather green all day. When they sat down for lunch, he opted for ...well. He went for the spaghetti."

"You can't be serious!" Marissa cried. "That idiot! They're all idiots! Didn't anyone try to stop him?!"

"Well, Rodimus did say something, but Magnus threw him 'The Look'. However, I fairly sure Rodimus could have tried a little harder to convince Magnus there were safer choices. I can't say for sure yet - to be honest I don't want to go THAT deep into that hung-over mind right now - but I THINK Rodimus decided if Magnus was going to be stubborn then he deserved to throw up. I'm not saying Rodi exactly PLANNED these events, but he certainly could have foreseen them in time to stop them. He elected not to!"

KC groaned.

Marissa said, "I'll kill him!"

"Which 'him'?" KC asked.

"BOTH 'hims'!" Marissa cried, slapping a hand on the table. The restaurant staff watched her with interest.

"Ah-ah Marissa!" Lancer said. "I already got dibs on killing Rodimus. You'll have to content yourself with Magnus. Gee, KC! It looks like Jazz may be the only one who survives this day!"

"Yeah right. After that proposal?!" KC said. "I wouldn't count on it. How did Magnus end up puking on Talon though?"

"Well, Rodimus had him doing the floor with a toothbrush when Magnus got sick."

There was a moment's pause while the other two women thought about that.

"He was scrubbing the floor," Marissa said.

Lancer nodded.

"On his hands and knees," Marissa said.

Lancer nodded.

Marissa and KC looked at each other and then back at Lancer. She didn't need them to say a word - she could see the question in their eyes.

"Right on the top of his shiny bald head," Lancer told them. "I'm fairly sure Magnus aimed..."

There was another moment's pause.

The staff and patrons of the restaurant looked on in bemusement at three grown women holding their sides and laughing in the strangled way of people completely out of control who don't want to make a scene. The waiter smiled. This might be a fun day after all.

X

X

X

"Feeling any better Mags?" Jazz asked.

"I'm fine damnit. Leave me alone," Magnus said, slouching deeper into the couch. They could all hear Talon cursing his own beard from the shower.

"Would it help you to know Marissa finds it very funny, Mags Old Boy?" Rodi asked.

Magnus' head turned slowly to face him. 

X

X

X

"Oh, Rodimus! You insufferable troublemaker!" Lancer cursed into her salad.

"What's he up to THIS time?" KC asked.

"He tormenting poor Magnus! Rodi told him we were laughing about Talon's makeover, and I know Magnus is really feeling sick because Rodimus is still breathing! Magnus is NOT amused we were let in on that already, although, in Rodi's defense, he couldn't have kept anything THAT shocking away from me even if he tried!"

"I'm starting to miss how he subdued he was when you two were separated!" Marissa said, stabbing a tomato ruthlessly with her fork.

"Don't you two have ANY privacy from each other?" KC asked.

Lancer sighed. "Not really, KC. We can sort of agree to not intrude on certain things like we did when the shield was up, but it takes effort and cooperation, and a lot leaks through anyway, especially surprising or frightening things."

"Like when Rodimus felt it when you went into labor," Marissa mused.

"Yeah," Lancer said, "Or like the half a dozen times I murdered innocent trees and swamp water when he went into a fight. To be honest, I took a lot more backlash from him during that time than he took from me because he was the one DOING stuff. I was mostly eating, sleeping, and watching my gut expand."

"It must be hard...having no secrets," KC said quietly.

"Yeah. But its also surprisingly liberating in some ways KC. We...we both have seen and done so much that is horrible. Stuff I'd be too afraid to TELL anyone I loved as much as I love him. In a way, I'm glad the link forced so much of it into the open, because otherwise I'd live in fear of his finding out and hating me for it. But he knows, and he doesn't, although I suppose any man who can put up with the demon business isn't going to be scared off by my less than elegant battlefield mannerisms."

"Even so," Marissa said, "I'd rather TALK to my man than have him picking through my thoughts. He doesn't need to know every time I need to use the ladies room!"

Lancer shrugged, "You take that stuff for granted after a while. The worst part of the day to day stuff is when he catches me off guard like he just did, and I react to him instead of where I am. That...and what he did earlier."

"AH yes," Marissa said, "The unproductive massage! What exactly was all that about Lancer-dear?"

Marissa and KC didn't know Lancer knew how to blush so well.

KC openly gaped.

"I've just GOT to know now!" Marissa said, "'Fess up Lancer! What did he do?"

Lancer glared, and then decided to go ahead an tell them. It was a paltry revenge, but it WAS revenge. Besides, allies might help since in this respect she was absolutely defenseless against her mate's greater control.

"Oh he did what he always does when he's bored and feeling like causing me grief,"Lancer said, "He worked very diligently on driving me up the wall!"

"Huh?" KC asked.

"Oh, he wouldn't dare!" Marissa cried.

Lancer looked at the Captain from under narrowed lashes.

"Nevermind of course he would dare!" Marissa said. "Silly me! You poor thing! Can't you retaliate?"

"HUH?" KC asked.

"He tries to make me horny KC," Lancer stated. Then she shook her head. "More accurately, he SUCCEEDS in making me horny. It's very embarrassing, and today was the worst! That poor masseur! What he must have thought of me!"

It was KC's turn to blush. She did an even better job than Lancer.

"You are right about having dibs on killing him Lancer!" Marissa exclaimed. "Can't you DO anything about it?"

"NO! Not that I haven't tried! It's that damned Autobot control! I'm defenseless!"

"Autobot control?" KC asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah," Lancer said. "Have you noticed too Marissa, or am I uniquely blessed with this liability? Men aren't supposed to be able to shut their libidos on and off at will, but he can turn his HEART on and off at will, so the rest is easy. He can drive me nuts with very little damage to himself even in human form, and he can do exactly as he pleases when he's in robot form!"

"Hmmm...." Marissa mused. "I've noticed he has the best endurance of any man I've ever encountered. He certainly never runs out of steam before I do, but on and off at will? I don't know. I can't think of any instances where Magnus would WANT to turn himself OFF. Then again, he isn't motivated by the ability to torture me from afar either, thank goodness! I'll have to ask him to try sometime...then again, that may be an ability I prefer he DIDN'T discover!"

"On and off at will?" KC asked meekly.

"Yeah. He finds it incredibly entertaining, especially during fun things like long trade conferences, diplomatic meetings, uneventful shuttle rides, you know, anything he finds the slightest bit dull, ESPECIALLY if its going to be a long while before we get time alone together."

"He's evil. That's all there is to it. The leader of the Autobots is pure, refined evil. We've GOT to get rid of him," Marissa said with a smile. "God, and it's so like him to press an advantage like that! Absolute power corrupts absolutely! I can't imagine why you haven't killed him before!"

Lancer smiled a little wickedly herself, "Well... he usually makes it up to me..."

"Oh my!" KC said, hiding her face in her hands. The red ears gave her away though, and Marissa and Lancer teased her about it.

"Oh come on KC," Lancer finally said, "Don't even try to deny it! You watch Jazz's sweet little behind every chance you get! Confess! Those beautiful blue eyes and that lushious dancer's body of his drive you absolutely mad!"

KC blushed until she was nearly purple.

"I'll take that for a yes!" Lancer said.

"To lust!" Marissa said, raising her water like a wine glass.

"To lust!" Lancer said with an appreciative laugh. Their waiter, who had been heading to refill their drinks, turned on his heel and headed back for the kitchen.

KC didn't say anything, but she clinked her glass with theirs, and then buried her head in her arms on the table.

"Which reminds me," said Marissa. "I want to stop at a drug store before we leave."

"In need of a few condoms?" Lancer asked

KC moaned from behind her arms.

"Oh. No. A home pregnancy test," Marissa said.

Lancer actually squealed with delight and applauded. "Wahoo! The big guy isn't shooting blanks, eh?"

"LANCER!" Marissa cried. "Where did that come from?"

"Well, it isn't as though they have a genetic heritage to pass along," Lancer said - very quietly. "Believe me, Edana came as a complete surprise! Especially since I was told I was infertile myself, and considering we had what basically amounted to months of honeymooning while we were marooned. I figured between the fact that my body is constantly running on high voltage, and his was never borne of woman I was entirely safe. We had his fertility tested recently though, and the doctors wanted to haul him in for research. We think....we think he was meant to be a breeder. His fertility rating is so high its artificial. High enough to even get ME pregnant....but we wondered about Magnus, since he wasn't Jabez manufactured."

Marissa and KC stared at her.

"Dear God!" Marissa cried, "You think they INTENDED for him to breed? I...I never considered what they planned for him. I never thought of him as a Convert! We came so close to having a Converted Autobot Commander with the ability to turn human AND breed! The sabotage he could have gotten away with switching forms that way could have brought us to our knees!"

"Yeah," KC said, "And here we were thinking he couldn't possibly cause more trouble than he does right now!"

"Well, I never thought of testing Magnus' fertility," Marissa said.

Lancer smirked at her, "Oh, if you need a home pregnancy test I think you did!"

Marissa snickered, "You're right. I tested it the old fashioned way! I'm not very late yet, so I may be imagining things, and I've been under a lot of stress....that usually doesn't affect things though."

"We've got our fingers crossed," KC said.

They finished their lunch in relative peace, much to the disappointment of their newly-composed waiter, who had hoped the entertainment would continue. 

X

X

X

"Oh I can't believe you told them all that!" Rodimus muttered under his breath. He was sitting on the couch next to Magnus balancing Edana on his knees.

"What?" Magnus said.

"Oh...sorry. I wasn't talking to you," Rodimus said. The grin on his face was somehow less than apologetic. A home pregnancy test? Rodimus could hardly contain himself, but knew Marissa would never forgive him if he told.

Magnus looked at him suspiciously. "What are you sending to Lancer now, Rodimus?"

"Nothing that concerns you Magnus, go back to being a lump," Rodimus lied imperiously. "Edana, say 'Daddy'!"

"Give it a rest Man!" Jazz said, "You're giving me a whole new headache with that 'daddy' stuff! She isn't going to say it!"

"Yes, she is!" Rodimus said with conviction.

"I can't believe you told them I puked on Talon," Magnus grumbled. He still somehow felt it was a mark against him that he was still hungover when Rodimus and Jazz were showing every sign of being well and he would rather Marissa have never learned of it. Besides, the memory of puking on Talon had some disturbingly familiar qualities he didn't want to check into too closely.....

In the kitchen, Talon cursed toothbrushes AND spaghetti.

Rodimus grinned at both Talon's grumbling and Magnus' sulking. He also spotted an opening to nullify Lancer's revenge on him for torturing her.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about it Magnus. They aren't dwelling on it. They are talking about our sex lives," Rodimus said as nonchalantly as he could. Magnus sat bolt upright. Good! Things proceeded according to plan already.

"what," Magnus said. Jazz was suddenly all ears too.

"Yes. It's mostly Lancer really. She's complaining that she just can't drive me as wild as I drive her. She wants more control over our sex life I guess," he said casually, in exactly the tone that said he wasn't boasting when really he was.

Magnus narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Innocent tones from Rodimus always meant the worst kind of trouble.

"It's OK for you though, Marissa isn't complaining about controlling YOUR sex life, Ultra Magnus. I guess she feels everything is well in hand. Say 'Daddy' Edana. OUCH! Hey!" Rodimus cried, balancing Edana in the crook of his arm so he could rub the other. He could feel another bruise joining his already impressive collection.

Magnus retracted his fist to press it between his eyebrows. "Consider that a prelude to what I intend to do to you the minute I feel better," the City Commander said grimly.

"At least you HAVE a sex life," Jazz said despondently. "I'll be lucky if KC ever even LOOKS at me again!"

Talon's voice floated in from the kitchen over the sound of vigorous scrubbing, "Damned Bots! What're you complaining about? I've been stuck on that ship for over half-a decade with nuthin' to look at but kids, canaries, an' lizards! An I'ma actual damned human. You lot ain't even known what sex's for for more than few months! You got no call gripin'!"

"Ah ah ah, Slave!" Rodimus said, "Watch that tone or I'll take away your toothbrush!"

Talon stopped scrubbing and glared up at Rodi. Still on his hands and knees, Talon had his arms splayed in an exhausted way that made it apparent he was almost too tired to support his own weight. "Sadist," he said.

"Why yes!" Rodimus said with a bright smile. "But however did you know?"  
Magnus hit him again.

"I think you have the definitions of 'sadist' and 'masochist' confused there Magnus," Rodimus said, with just a hint of warning in his voice.

"Oh me, oh my. And I sure do feel badly about that," Magnus said.

Jazz snickered. "You're getting better at the one-liners Mags."

"Ooooo! Scary!" Rodimus said. "Magnus with a sense of humor! Someone buy the devil some ice skates!"

"What size do you wear?" Magnus asked.

There was an ominous pause, and then Rodimus and Jazz lost it.

"Ok!" Rodimus said finally, "I have to give you that one Major General! Say 'Daddy' Edana!"

Edana giggled mischievously. She was giving every evidence of thoroughly enjoying her father's frustration, but then that wasn't possible for a baby so young was it? Was it?

"The kid's toying with you Man," Jazz said, reaching over Rodi's shoulder and playing with her chubby little hands. Edana was past the age of reflexive gripping, but she got hold of his fingers and held on anyway. Jazz grinned, but found himself suddenly tethered to Rodi's side.

"Hey she won't let go!" he said.

Edana squealed with evident delight, and even those WITHOUT major headaches flinched. Magnus groaned in anguish.

"That's a woman for ya!" Talon called from the kitchen. "They tie ya up and then crow about it!"

"Scrub Slave!" Rodimus cried dramatically, "You know not of what you speak! Besides, just wait until some lady gets hold of you! You won't mind in the slightest."

"Rodimus, keep it down please," Magnus said in quiet resignation.

"Red, I ain't gonna live that "Talon said seriously. "I ain't no spring chicken anymore."

Magnus looked over at the man and felt a sudden chill. Talon WAS showing signs of age, and Magnus had been around humans long enough to know the signs of a body past its prime. Warrior though he was, Talon carried extra weight. He had gone bald young, but the little hair that remained was greying, as was his beard. Laugh lines framed his eyes. And yet this creature was barely born in Magnus' estimation. Rodi and Lancer's warnings when he had first thought of joining Marissa as a human came back to him in a sudden flash. He'd THOUGHT he'd understood them. Well, he had. With his rational mind. Now all of a sudden his heart knew as well, and in a moment of intense panic he wished Marissa would come home and never leave his side again - not even for an instant. They had so little time together!

Then he noticed Rodimus looking solemnly at Edana's little mortal face. "Say Daddy, Edana," Rodimus whispered. 

X

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They stopped in a drug-store and headed immediately for the restrooms. Lancer and KC chatted and joked while Marissa occupied a stall with her test. Other women noticed the packaging on the edge of the sink and grinned at the three women like they were all old friends. It was like they were members of a conspiracy. Lancer and KC laughed at poor Marissa when they caught her biting her nails while she watched the clock.

After the longest fifteen minutes of her life, the results came back positive, and she actually started crying and laughing at the same time. The other two hugged her gleefully and helped her compose herself. They snickered about Magnus' likely reaction to the news, and Marissa felt happiness give her an unheard of power surge. She looked KC up and down and decreed it was time to make a woman out of her.

KC took one look at Marissa's bright, wild eyes and gulped in fear.

Shortly after they started shopping for new clothes for KC, Marissa noticed Lancer withdraw. Something told the EDC Captain not to ask. The mutant had been so happy moments ago, and Marissa didn't want to know what was bringing her down. Marissa realized she wanted to hold on to her own happiness right now so she didn't pry. Instead she tried to redirect Lancer's attention on KC's pathetic idea of a wardrobe. It worked...after a while.

X

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"Rodimus....why do you want more children?" Magnus asked. He was suddenly feeling nervous and at sea again. Marissa wanted children, and he did too in a very confused way, but Magnus was in entirely new territory with this idea. He didn't like that. He liked to know where he stood , and Rodimus was the only Autobot to have blazed the trail into fatherhood before him. The likely life spans of his offspring was something Magnus hadn't really considered, but he could see that Rodimus had. It bothered Magnus to think of Rodimus losing Edana. It suddenly occurred to the City Commander that the little girl had done more to revive the "Hot Rod" in Rodimus than Magnus would have ever dreamed possible after the torture. Rodimus was happy when he was with the baby. Not just acting happy - really happy.

And some day, in the not too distant future, Edana would die of old age if some other form of death didn't find her first. She would grow, she might even have a family of her own, and then, like Talon, she would wear out. And yet Rodimus and Lancer were actively trying for a second child. Magnus panicked mind felt almost like they were asking for the pain......No. Not they. If life followed its natural cycle, Rodimus would be facing that grief alone. Lancer would not know the pain of her daughter's death....she would already be dead.

Rodimus continued to stare into his daughter's bright, pale eyes, and didn't answer right away.

"Geez Man," Jazz said, "You have to ask?" Jazz hadn't given much thought to Talon's earlier remarks yet.

"No. It's a good question," Rodimus said. "Magnus....I know what you are thinking. I can only speak for myself of course, but when I consider the paths my life could have taken, and the paths it may still take, the only idea that upsets me more than the thought of losing my family, is the memory of how close I came to never having one." Knowing of Marissa's pregnancy made him very cautious in handling Magnus' questions right now. There was a lot at stake. 

X

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Shopping for KC proved to be a nightmare. She balked at every turn - saying things were too expensive - ESPECIALLY after Lancer offered to pay. (Stripping ships bare of every useful item and selling the haul on the black market had rendered most of the Maelstrom crew financially wealthy...at least by Terran standards. Then there were the quiet rewards and financial support from people they rescued and those who hoped the Maelstrom would someday free them of Jabez control. There were several hidden accounts in Earth banks Lancer alone had the access codes too, just as her friends had sealed accounts of their own. Even a Convert in their midst would not be able to rob the crew of vital funds. None of the crew was in the game for money. They were so hunted they couldn't have settled down to really enjoy it even if they had been, but the funds were a comforting cushion that would help them purchase things they needed in a hurry. Supplies, ammo, and most critical of all...information.)

The EDC cadet rarely got past the price tag before shaking her head and pretending to look elsewhere. Marissa finally took charge. She began handing things she thought were good to KC and laying on the guilt when KC seemed reluctant to "try on the cute little thing I just FOUND for you!" She made it sound like she'd found a holy relic at great personal risk, and KC resigned herself to being treated like a Colorform doll. Lancer and Marissa got her cornered in a dressing room. They held clothes up to her body and discussed coordinates, styles, and accessories without letting the poor girl get a word in edgewise. They'd find something they''d like, have her try it on, pass judgment on the ensemble (usually in favor of buying it), and then one or the other would scamper off to find something else. The other one's job was to out-maneuver KC's ever weaker protests and keep her from escaping the dressing room.

Lancer was actually enjoying herself, although she was well aware of the very serious discussion her mate was having with Magnus. KC was completely oblivious to the fact Lancer was sometimes concentrating on supporting Rodimus. Some part of her was entirely there with him - trying to help him find answers for Magnus' very understandable fears. Lancer caught Marissa giving her scrutinizing looks, but the Captain didn't comment and Lancer kept her peace. This wasn''t the time or place to bring up Magnus' worries to his mate. Rodimus would give his friend the best advise he could, and then Marissa and Magnus could talk about it on their own in privacy.

Then, just as Lancer was getting ready to pick up the sizable heap of clothing for KC, Marissa turned those eyes on her.

"What?" Lancer asked.

"Aren't you going to get anything?" Marissa asked, brandishing the outfit she had chosen for herself.

"No," Lancer said.

"That's what you think!" KC said. She was beginning to develop Rodi's taste for revenge.

"Let's go. We'll find you something," Marissa said in the no-arguments tone you use with a reluctant child.

"Why?" Lancer said. "I don't need anything."

"We are going to impress upon our males how good they have it, and how sorry they are to have screwed up," Marissa said as though it were elementary.

"Oh, please," Lancer said, "I don't need to impress Rodi. He's stuck with me no matter how I look."

Marissa groaned, and rolled her eyes at KC....and a new alliance was formed just like that.

Continued in Part G


	7. Chapter 7

Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part G 

Author's note: This story is part of a LONG series called Maelstrom. It is strictly Gen. 1 - sorry, but that was all that was out when I started writing back in the late 1980's. It began as a fan-publication so the first chapters are in the form of a comic book! If you have not read the nine original **Maelstrom Comics** and the preceding text stories, I strongly suggest you do. This is a complex universe. They can be found at http// illmatar. deviantart. com (I have put double spaces between the URL here or FF . Net eats the link.) The comics and art which accompanies this series are there...and believe me I am a better artist than writer.

**Most chapters of this series contain strong language and violence. Rated M for adult themes! Really! Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Critiques adored! This scene contains strong language, violence, and sex. Rated M for adult themes! Rated B for BAD HUMOR and F for FLUFF! If you are following Maelstrom for it's gory nasty bits you can skip this one completely and avoid inebriated Transformers getting into all kinds of trouble you've seen done before, and better, in other fan-ficts. This will do no harm to your ability to follow the soon to come, apocalyptic type stuff which is to follow, and probably will save a few of your brain cells.**

Transformers characters belong to Hasbro. Story and OC characters are mine. Critiques adored!  


Maelstrom Chapter 27  
Drunk Part G

Continued from Part F!

"Magnus, are you worried about having kids?" Rodimus prodded. Magnus was brooding, and Rodimus wasn't about to let him continue. Knowing that Marissa was already pregnant made Rodimus very happy...and very worried about his friend. He suddenly realized just how much Magnus had been through in the last few weeks and worried a little about Magnus' ability to cope. Kup had basically destroyed all of his close friendships and himself because he couldn't deal with change, and Magnus wasn't all THAT much younger than Kup. True, Magnus had always been more able to adapt and improvise on the battlefield than Kup who relied heavily on the experiences of his youth, but Magnus' PERSONAL life had remained almost unchanged for millions of years. The last few months, and particularly the last few days since he'd come out of catatonia had been a series of momentous occasions for Magnus.

True, they were mostly good things, but they were very fundamental changes and they would have been stressful on anyone....not to mention a person who just had his consciousness put through a blender. Rodimus cursed Unicron, and prayed he could help his friend through one more serious shock. He also cursed himself for not being more cautious around Magnus right now. Rodimus wasn't used to thinking of his City Commander as being fragile, but right now Rodi realized Magnus walked a fine line between real happiness and Kup's downward spiral of despair.

"No. Marissa wants them. I agreed," Magnus said.

"That's not what I asked," Rodimus responded. "I asked if you're worried about it."

Magnus didn't answer right away, and seemed uncertain as to whether he should speak at all. Finally he said, "Don't you ever feel...don't you think you're setting yourself up? Edana means so much to you. I'm sure any other children you have will mean just as much, but..... Rodimus....their lives are so..so fleeting." Magnus spoke in a hushed, almost guilty voice. He felt badly somehow for saying it - he knew how it sounded.

"Edana's just a baby Man!" Jazz said , but he looked suddenly stricken, staring at the toddler as though he'd never seen her before. Things so small and sweet didn't die. Ok. They did. But they SHOULDN'T!

"Compared to us, they're ALL babies Jazz," Magnus stated flatly.

Rodimus sighed, "Not to me they aren't," he said.

The other two looked at him in surprise, and then realized he was right. Less than four decades old, Rodimus had only just started his life. He wasn't even as old as Talon. It was a moment of reevaluation for Magnus and Jazz. They were well used to teasing Rodimus about his youth, but it also suddenly became clear to them how it must effect Rodimus' perspective.

Rodi must have been thinking along the same lines, and he made it clear to them just how differently he viewed time. He shook his head and said, "I have the Matrix memories. I know what centuries feel like through them...but somehow. Well, somehow THAT'S what seems wrong to me. Maybe I spent to much time on Earth...maybe its Lancer's perspective...but when I think of going on that long... Just the thought of it makes me tired, that's all. It seems...unnatural to go on and on that way."

"It isn't Rodimus," Magnus stated, a little appalled. "It's what we are."

Rodimus sighed, and wondered how the conversation had turned onto him. Not acceptable.

"Rodi....it. I'm not good at this kind of thing. Your life won't always be like this. I never realized how it must seem to you. You've gone through so much, so quickly, but it won't always be this... this... progression of horrors," Magnus said, obviously uncomfortable. He exchanged a helpless glance with Jazz, hoping the cocky Specialist had some pat words that would make this all alright. No one should have to view an immortal life-time as millennia after millennia of war, chaos, and agony. Yet Rodimus did. He had hardly ever known anything else. No wonder he hoped for a short life! Worst, he might find a way to see he got one!

Rodimus gave his friends that faint, wise smile that represented his real face most of the time. Magnus wasn't satisfied with it though. It acknowledged Magnus' efforts to help, but it didn't indicate that Rodimus really BELIEVED what Magnus had said.

"Maybe not," the young Prime finally answered, "but Edana is the first purely good thing to happen to me in a long time. I know I will probably outlive her, unless Lancer's death kills me, or someone finally nails me, but I don't care. She is a good thing Magnus. She is worth the pain."

Now it was Magnus' turn to look a little dubious.

"Let me put it this way, Magnus. When I say she's worth the pain, I mean all of it. If I had the choice, not counting Goldbug's being there....but if it had just been me and someone gave me the choice between being tortured and having Edana, and never being tortured at all - I'd pick the torture. No hesitation. She's worth it Magnus, and I want more kids. I want as many as Lancer will let me have."

"Rodimus...I know she means a lot to you but I saw what they did to you....."

"No, Magnus. Worth it. Worth everything you saw...and everything you didn't see. I only wish Shellshock had something similar to help ease his pain."

"I can't imagine that," Magnus said, "I can't imagine anything being worth that...or what you will feel when ...when Lancer and Edana die."

Rodimus snorted, "Yes you can. Don't be ridiculous. You'd put up with what I endured for a century for Marissa, and you know it, and you aren't about to leave her now, even knowing she will die too some day. What you feel for her, you will feel for your kids, only in a way its simpler. It took me a while to realize I was in love with Lancer...with Edana, I was lost the minute she looked at me." He smiled at his friend and tried to give Magnus a vision of the not-so-distant future. "When Marissa gets pregnant, you'll have time to get used to the idea. Its not like with robots where the new person is suddenly HERE, needing to be dealt with. And when the baby is born, you'll feel a sense of achievement like you've never felt. All the things you've done, all the victories, the commendations, will seem like nothing next to the fact that YOU'VE created life Magnus. Not some dumb computer - YOU. You and Marissa together, and you're love for each other will start a new, wonderful life with no strings attached. You'll never have to doubt that it's a real, genuine individual....not the way we do about ourselves. Fucking Shit will have NOTHING to do with your kid. Isn't it amazing? The very idea that the simple act of making love to your mate can start a whole new life? A whole new person? Magnus...the magnitude of that...can even death cheapen it?"

Magnus stared at him.

"Magnus," Rodimus said, holding out the baby, "This is Edana. She's her very own self, and I helped make her. She's not a pawn. She's not a slave. And I'm going to see to it that she never is. Maybe her life won't last as long as a robot's but I don't care. She going to have a good life. Better than mine, no matter how long you stretch it out. She's going to know what freedom is, and she's going to know what peace is, and if she's very lucky, she'll also know what being friends with your kid is. And I am very lucky, because I get to spend time with her, and learn who she is. I get to find out what she likes to do. I get to watch her discover the world and make her way though it. I wouldn't miss it. Absolutely the most exciting adventure I can imagine. Nothing is dull anymore! Nothing is trivial! I can hardly wait to see what she's going to do next!"

"Yes....." Magnus said, "but when it all ends.....?"

"Everything ends," Rodi said, "Even we die eventually. The Jabez may wipe us out tomorrow, even her....but they can't unmake her. She exists, and this moment is better because she is here. What more do we have than NOW anyway? I fathered this child - they can't take that away from me, even if they kill us both...and the very idea that Lancer and I made this life together will always and forever bring me joy. If the passage of time scares you now, it's only because NOW you have something WORTH worrying about. You didn't mind the whole centuries going by...now I see you watching the clock for Marissa. Time is precious to you NOW because you have someone you CARE about. You are more concerned with these few hours than whole millennia of your previous life because it was barren! Time hasn't changed - YOU'VE changed. You've finally got something worth paying attention for! I'm sure its quite a surprise."

"Y...You're right," Magnus said, as though he could hardly believe he was saying THAT to Hot Rod.

Rodi laughed, "Look Mags, if you want my advise, don't WASTE time or strength fretting over this. Spend your energy on more productive things like making the most out of every single second you have with that crazy woman who loves you. If you are concerned about mortality remind yourself how close Op and Elita were to losing each other young. Being a robot doesn't mean you are LITERALLY going to live happily ever after...therefore I suggest you take that woman in your arms and get that family started as soon as possible....and then make the most out of that too. Believe me...you won't want to miss a single second of it....and isn't that better than an eternity of 'So What?'"

Rodimus grinned, got up off the couch, and hoisted Edana up over his head, smiling at her giggles. "You stink little missy. I should make Uncle Slave take care of that, but I'm afraid he'll drop you. Yup! Guess we have to fend for ourselves again!" He headed for the nursery to change her, making it perfectly plain he was simply delighted to be changing filthy diapers, and leaving Magnus and Jazz looking at each other and brooding.

"When did he get smart?" Jazz asked.

"Probably when he acquired part of someone else's brain," Magnus said dryly.

X

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"No, you can't cut it. You can do anything you like as long as it doesn't make me look like a flake or involve scissors," Lancer said firmly.

"But your split ends are atrocious! What do you do to you hair? Beat it? The damage is indescribable!" the hair dresser said with dismay. She even called over her co-workers for a consultation.

In the seats on either side of Lancer, KC started shaking with contained laughter and Marissa threw Lancer an ironic smirk. THEY knew the hair dresser was closer to the truth than she ever dreamed. Lancer didn't beat her hair - she used it to beat others. By the time the mutant was done weaving wire and a full pound of steel beads into her hair she had what amounted to an electrified whip she could snap with remarkable accuracy and force. Neither of Lancer's companions doubted her claim that she could disable or kill with that simple braid, and both knew she had no intention of cutting it even if the price was horrifying split ends. Nevertheless they enjoyed Lancer's squirming while the oblivious staff at the beauty parlor tried to "talk some sense into her".

In the end, Marissa and KC were left waiting again. KC had opted for a simple cut and styling. Nothing was drastically different except that instead of simply washing it, and running off to work with it wet, KC had the hairdresser actually dry and style her hair. Between that, the new clothes, and the make-over she grudgingly allowed, she looked like a different person. Suddenly, the little cadet was replaced by a sophisticated woman. Marissa couldn't wait for Jazz to see her.

Marissa enjoyed letting the stylists play with her thick hair for a while, and ended up with an elegant arrangement where most of her hair was twisted into gleaming folds on top of her head with a few curling wisps framing her face. She always wore some make-up to work, but there was a difference between a ten-minute morning paste-on and a real makeover. KC quipped that people would be asking for autographs.

After a "completely unnecessary" 20 minute hot-oil treatment, Lancer's hair found it way into a similar series of twists and turns as Marissa - only with a train of hair still falling down her back to her waist. The oil had helped the shine, but the stylist was mystified that there still seemed to be a good bit of static stinging her fingers. 

X

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"WHAT THE HELL SET HIM OFF?" Rodimus raged at Talon.

"I don't know!" Talon shot back in distress.

Magnus screamed, and shuddered - curled up into an incredibly tight ball on the floor. Jazz tried to comfort him while Rodimus turned round and round looking for the trigger of this wailing flashback. Magnus had been screaming for almost three minutes and they couldn't bring him around. Rodimus was afraid if he couldn't find the cause then Magnus might not snap out of it before he suffered a REAL set-back. Not to mention poor Edana was also taking the impact of Magnus' terror - coming out of a sound sleep screaming her head off as well.

Talon had been the only one in the room with the City Commander when the fit started, and Rodimus was REALLY ready to strangle the man for not having a pat answer Finding nothing obvious, Rodimus dropped to his knees beside Jazz and tried to get Magnus to look at him. The young Prime was only grateful Magnus' flashbacks didn't seem to involve murderous violence the way his own did. 

X

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X

Lancer stiffened in the stylist's seat, causing the woman to complain about the motion. The mutant went very pale and was about to jump out of the seat to rush home when Magnus suddenly came back to himself.

X

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X

"Wh.....Why am I on the floor?" Magnus said suspiciously, looking up at Rodi's worried face and wondering if his mischievous commander wasn't somehow responsible.

"Don't you remember?" Rodimus asked softly.

Magnus struggled to sit up, and look at his friend. Rodimus often acted silly when things were serious, but seldom the other way around. He tried to put the last few minutes back together and then shook his head.

"You had a flashback," Rodimus said. Jazz nodded in confirmation - looking incredibly pale himself. Talon stood over them, shaken and sweaty.

Magnus trembled. Unicron did seem very close right now, as though everything had just happened. They gave him a few minutes to collect himself before questioning him further. He was a little embarrassed and annoyed by the way they hovered, but somehow he didn't search for an excuse to send them away. At least Rodi's face reflected concern and compassion but not pity. Magnus couldn't have borne pity.

"Do you know what set it off Magnus? Is..is there something we can do, or not do to prevent this?" Rodimus asked finally, when Magnus had stopped shuddering and lost some of that hunted look.

"I'm not sure. The last thing I remember was wishing my head would stop hurting, and thinking it might not be getting better because...because of Un...you know."

"No Mags. It's just because you drank too fast and then sat around afterwards. Look, why don't you go lie down and sleep the rest of it off? By the time you get up the girls should be back, and you'll probably feel like eating," Rodimus said, indicating his own bedroom. Magnus looked a little doubtful, but he also looked exhausted. He took the offer without too much fuss, and was asleep on top of the blankets almost at once. Rodimus made sure Magnus was actually asleep, and shut the door. Then he turned and stalked down the hallway with eyes that almost glowed emerald - heading straight for Jazz and Talon. Jazz got one look and saw murder in his leader's eyes. The Specialist flattened himself against the wall, and was visibly relieved when Rodimus went for Talon. It was no secret Rodimus terrified Jazz when he was like this.

Talon was basically oblivious until Rodimus' hand went round his thick neck and slammed his thick skull into the wall.

He was impressed Rodimus actually did have him off the floor. Otherwise Talon was familiar with this treatment from arguments with Rodi's volatile mate.

"Jazz. See to Edana. I can't get near her right now!" Rodimus ordered quietly. The Specialist was only too happy to comply, and took the crying toddler to the far end of the dwelling.

"Now, now Red," Talon croaked around Rodi's hand, "You're acting more like your girl by the day...."

"Shut up!" Rodimus growled. "NOW do you see why we didn't want any alcohol last night?"

"Hey! Ya can't blame this on me! He's gotta headache! That's what brought it on!" Talon rationalized.

"It's a headache YOU brought on, and that's really the least of it you thick headed fleshling!" Rodimus cried. "He just got out of being catatonic! We're lucky he didn't flip out last night! If he had hit the floor like that during that brawl he might have been killed! He's exhausted, mentally AND physically. His body is still recuperating from over a month of disuse and YOU pour poison into him! Into all of us when we had NO idea how it would affect any of us! It could have been lethal! Not to mention that all of us except Jazz have serious trauma just waiting for an excuse to boil over! The last thing Magnus, Shellshock, or I need is to lose control over our minds and memories! I do blame you Talon! So will Marissa! You can NOT play around like this. Not with us!"

"Alright. You're right. I'm sorry, damnit. What else can I say?" Talon said, and for the first time Rodimus knew he meant it.

"Nothing. But you can go pick up dinner, and set the table. Ask Jazz where to order from. He knows the best places around here already."

Talon ended up letting Jazz actually do the ordering at the Specialist's insistence. Rodimus, now calm enough to soothe his child himself, missed that because he was trying once more to get Edana to say "Daddy". When four delivery men arrived two hours later, carrying enough Chinese food for an army, and with their hands out (cash only before delivery please!) Rodimus knew he should have paid more attention.

Talon had the table nicely set, complete with candles and centerpiece when the massive quantities of food thumped down on the tablecloth.

"Damn!" he said in awe.

"DAM!" Edana agreed with enthusiasm.

Rodi's eyes widened.

"DAMDAMDAMDAM!" Edana sang.

"AHHHHH!" Rodimus cried.

"ohshit!" Talon whispered.

"DAM!" Edana cried.

Rodimus went after Talon even more fiercely than before. Talon tried to escape by running around the large oval table, but he didn't get far.

Magnus, drawn by the enticing smell of food, (he was now famished) came out of the hallway just in time to see Rodimus catch Talon by the collar and dump him unceremoniously on the floor. The young Prime had his other hand raised for some kind of bloody violence when Magnus asked, "Aren't we supposed to leave him for the girls?"

"I...don't...care," Rodimus breathed raggedly.

"Ahhhh!" Talon said.

"Do it, Man!" Jazz said - he was feeling ever more tense knowing his KC was returning soon to not speak to him.

"Are you feeling better?" Rodimus asked Magnus, although he showed no signs of releasing Talon.

"Yes, much. When do we eat?" Magnus asked.

"The girls are on their way, so that gives me about five minutes to kill Talon and clean up the mess," Rodimus said.

"Ahhh. Good. What did he do now?"

"DAM!" Edana said.

Magnus blinked. "I see," he said, picking the baby up. "You are a trouble-maker," he told her with a smile. He could see Rodi's hands trembling with fury....or was it laughter?

They all waited, Talon in particular, wondering why he was hesitating.  
"Aww, but Lancer...." Rodimus said to the air. His voice had a Hot Rodish whine to it.

There was a pause.

"But..." he said. "But....."

Finally he let Talon go and slumped into the nearest chair. "She won't let me kill him," he told Magnus and Jazz despondently.

"She won't?" Jazz said with exaggerated sympathy. He grinned at Magnus, who caught on right away.

"Whipped!" they said to Rodimus in unison.

"She didn't say I couldn't kill you two rotten bastards," Rodimus growled. Talon was merely glad to be forgotten.

A terrible tragedy was averted by the click of a key card in the lock. The door swung open, and a threatening silhouette on the threshold said, "If you boys get on my nerves and make me mess up this two hour hair-don't by fanging-out it will be the last thing any of you ever do!"

Stunned silence fell - not at the threat, but at the appearance of the one threatening....and the two regal figures glaring back-up threats at the relevant threatenees.

Jazz's mouth hung slack.

Magnus' eyes widened.

Rodi's pout turned over into a wide leer.

Talon hid under the table.

"Should I bow?" Jazz asked breathlessly, only half kidding.

"Absolutely," Marissa said, although she made a bee-line for Magnus and smiled at him holding the baby. He was still standing as if struck by lighting but he looked pretty good with a kid in his arms. "Well, aren't you going to kiss me?" she prompted - the only way she could reach him on her own when he was standing was to get a chair to stand on. Fortunately, he didn't need any more encouragement.

KC headed for the table, as though she intended to breeze right past Jazz again without speaking. He had just enough time to show despair when she quickly turned and gave him a tiny peck on the cheek. His eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to carol with joy. KC deftly put a hand over his mouth and said "Don't push your luck."

Jazz subsided, but he kept grinning.

Rodimus merely stepped forward to take Lancer's hand. It seemed an intimate act nonetheless.

Talon hid under the table.

"Oh, come out Talon," Marissa said. "Don't worry. You'll live a few more days - long enough to clean my place and KC's anyhow."

"Joy," Talon said.

"Say it right, Slave," Rodimus growled.

"I am aquiver with joyous anticipation of cleaning the crud out of your gracious dwelling Mistress Fairborne, Ruler of the Universe, and Keeper of All Mercy!" Talon said, bowing three times.

"I could get used to this," Marissa said.

"Don't," growled Rodimus, "He isn't going to last the week."

"Aren't Autobots supposed to be merciful?" KC asked. She was feeling magnanimous, having forgiven Jazz and all.

"DAM!" Edana said, and all three women faced Talon without being told who the perpetrator was. He fought a losing battle not to hide under the table again.

Unfortunately Lancer caught him by the throat before he could sink all the way under.

"If it wasn't for the fact Marissa and KC need their quarters cleaned...." Lancer snarled.

"Gee...." Talon wheezed, "This seems familiar...ooch! Hey Girl! Watch the larynx!"

"I'm hungry!" Magnus announced. Talon torture was becoming dull and repetitive. Food was always interesting.

"I second that!" Jazz cried.

"I'm still sick as a dog," Rodimus claimed, "Can't possibly eat a thing."

Lancer divided her glares between Talon and her mate.

"Say love," Rodi continued, unfazed, "How's about you all enjoy your meal, and I find a place to stash Talon's cooling corpse for seeing to it our little one's first word happens to be damn?!"

"Sit," Lancer said. "We can't kill him until he's made restitution for all of his crimes. You can kill him for desert in two days."

"This joke is gettin' old," Talon sighed.

X

X

X

Dinner was a relatively calm affair. Talon was sulking. Magnus was shoveling food into his mouth as fast as possible without choking or spilling a drop. Marissa was too busy composing her "Magnus, I'm pregnant" speech over and over to actually talk much. Jazz was staring at KC with a dreamy expression that she was resolutely ignoring as best she could, although she couldn't help smiling a little. He was hardly looking at his food, although he did somehow manage to make it all vanish without taking his eyes off of her. Lancer and Rodimus disturbed everyone by exchanging silent looks which made the others suspicious that the mind-linked pair was talking about everyone else at the table through their bond. It was annoying. Nevertheless, the group managed somehow to remain civil.

Lancer's communicator went off and she spent a few moments muttering to whoever was on the other end - the wide grin she returned to the table with gave all the boys - including her mate who she began blocking - a case of the surges. Marissa and KC looked at her questioningly, but she only shook her head and grinned wider.

Edana joyfully practiced her first word with triumph until even her parents had to begin laughing about it. She looked far too pleased with herself for them to remain sour about it. They celebrated her mastery of "the finer aspects of speech".

Pagan and Robert showed up at the door just as "Slave" was starting on the dishes. He threw them a pleading look for which he got absolutely no sympathy. Pagan even expressed disbelief that his skin was still clinging to his meat rather than stretched out for tanning, which is what she claimed she would have done. Talon glared at her so she went on to exclaim that the group could have saved themselves a sizable dinner bill if only they had opted to eat Talon. By the time she was done baring her teeth and smacking her tough lips at the prospect, Talon had decided the dishes weren't so bad after all.

Most of the group roared except for Rodi who looked a little sickened by the idea. He looked even MORE sickened when he learned why Lancer's friends had come.

Robert had translated the previous evening's data from his com-eyes into "a thrill-packed adventure, full of humor and excitement." In other words he had made a video-disk out of the events at the bar, and the girls were just DYING to watch it.

X

X

X

They piled into the living-room. Marissa and Magnus sat on one side of the couch; Jazz sat on the other. KC had sat down next to him, but got up almost immediately when his arm tried to snake around her shoulder. She sat in one of the armchairs instead, and Robert took the other. Pagan pilfered a dining-room chair, turned it backwards, and complimented Lancer on choosing chairs the "right height for my chin".

"I had you in mind when I got them, Pagan. They don't sell Drazian furniture on Cybertron yet," Lancer said.

"Uncivilized place," Pagan said, smiling to show she didn't mean it.

"Must be rotten leadership," Rodimus said. He and Lancer had spooned up on the floor between Marissa and Jazz's ankles.

"Must be," Jazz said, smirking.

"I'm teaming you up with SkyLynx and Wheelie for the next three weeks," Rodimus said.

"HEY! No fair! I was only agreeing with you!" Jazz said.

"Exactly," Rodimus said.

"Be nice boys!" Lancer said, "You take all the fun out of teasing you if you're at it already! Roll film Rob!"  
"My pleasure," Robert said.

"Dam!" Edana said. Auntie Pagan laughed, and swished her tail for Edana's delight. She would miss most of the video entertaining the baby by twitching her thick tail enticingly and then moving it out of reach. Edana groped, and stumbled after it, giggling and saying "Dam!" at surprisingly appropriate moments.

"Reminds me of you Magnus!" Lancer said with a grin.

Magnus didn't know what to make of that, and since the video was starting he opted not to respond. Maybe if he ignored her the vague, disturbing memories which were haunting him would just go away and never congeal into the reality he was afraid they were.

Robert had done some editing, so the show started right at the moment they entered the bar. Rodi's trouble with the chair got the first round of laughs. Lancer whacked him for not paying better attention.

"What the hell did I train you for anyway?" she cried indignantly.

Shellshock makes me nervous, Rodimus admitted privately. This actually did earn him SOME sympathy from her, but she grumbled at him anyway.

Magnus' comments about the stripper earned him an "Aww, that's cute," from Lancer which was annoying, and a great kiss from Marissa which did what a naked dancer could not do, and made him forget all about Lancer's being annoying. He didn't think Rodimus had meant that "start the family right away" line quite so literally though and fought to control himself. Marissa snuggled into him and sighed with contentment. She was apparently well pleased with his response to seeing another woman nude, although it was a huge fight for her not to laugh at him for his naive remarks about HER dancing nude. She was too happy with him to do that to him though, and besides Rodi and the others were MORE than making up for her share. Robert also got his share of teasing for the hopeless way he had been laughing...and was currently laughing all over again. He raised his hands in a helpless gesture, and wiped the tears from his eyes.

When the video showed Talon serving the fateful drinks, he was treated to a full scale barrage of cushions off the furniture from all sides. He laughed, and made much of falling to the floor in a dramatic death scene.

"You boys SHOT those drinks?" Marissa said, appalled.

"No, of course we didn't," Magnus said, not understanding the term "shot". "We DRANK them. We should have shot them...and Talon too. Would've saved us a whole lot of trouble."

Laughter swelled again, much to Magnus' irritation, and Marissa patiently explained that drinking so quickly was not only what she was referring to, it was also why they had gotten so terribly drunk.

The instant of inebriation in the three who had stayed at the table was pretty apparent, although in the distance the tape showed Jazz "gettin' sloppy" as he unhappily noted. It bothered the Specialist on a fundamental level that he had been seen in public at less than his usual optimum. Rodimus helpfully pointed out that at least Jazz hadn't leaned ridiculously far forward over the greasy table to stare, glassy-eyed, at Shellshock. That actually did make Jazz feel better.

Rodimus hid his face in Lancer's hair when the brawl started, at least until he heard something he had only been dimly aware of the night before.

Magnus.

Magnus laughing.

Magnus roaring.

Magnus encouraging the other men in the bar to go after Rodimus and Shellshock.

Rodimus turned around to stare up at his City Commander on the couch. Magnus was staring at the screen in dumbfounded amazement. So was Marissa. It took a few moments for Magnus to tear his astonished eyes away from the screen, but a well-honed survival instinct detected the waves of chill anger radiating off of his leader like air from a refrigerator.

Magnus met Rodimus' green, icy eyes, and tried the ingratiating smile Hot Rod had always used when their positions were reversed. Nope. Hadn't worked then. Didn't work now.

"You encouraged them," Rodimus stated.

"Err...I don't remember..." Magnus said.

"I had to fight that entire bar," Rodimus stated.

"Yeah, well I was drunk. It all seems like a dream now...."

On the screen his recorded self called three by-standers incompetent, weakling pussies for not joining in. They promptly all assailed the nearest contestant...which happened to be Rodimus. The record confirmed for Lancer that the cut under her mate's eye had been due to a ring, and she added her accusatory stare to Rodi's.

"MAGNUS!" Marissa said, smacking him on top of the head, "Do you even know what that word means?"

Magnus couldn't decide what was most disconcerting. Rodi's set, disgusted face on which incriminating bruises displayed themselves like peacock's tails, Lancer's mantis-like focus, lovely Marissa's ire over his language, or the fact that he had gotten himself into such a predicament in the first place! How in the hell had he gotten himself into THIS kind of trouble? Even when he'd been young he hadn't instigated brawls! He didn't blame them for being annoyed. HE certainly would have been annoyed if their positions had been reversed....and yet he could hardly remember. He stared at the laughing loon on the screen and wondered if that nutcase still lurked inside him, waiting in ambush for another moment to embarrass him this way.

"Err..." he said.

"I put five men in the emergency room, Ultra Magnus." Rodimus stated, undeterred by Marissa's interruption, "AND YOU ENCOURAGED THEM?"

"Errr....." Magnus said, although it sounded more like a groan. On the screen, his drunk-self tipped the chair wildly from one side to the other - leaning it precariously on one frail leg at time. The wood creaked and protested, but didn't splinter. Just when it seemed he would HAVE to topple himself over, his laughter would throw his weight back to the other side. All the while, he urged and even shoved opponents into the fray to confront Rodi and Shellshock so he could laugh at their defeat.

It was mortifying, and Rodi's eyes were getting greener by the second.

Magnus willed his recorded self to stop causing havoc.

His recorded self failed to follow orders.

Jazz suddenly started howling with laughter, and everyone else focused on him in offended amazement. He laughed so hard he could scarcely explain himself, but he did manage (which was fortunate, since Rodimus was gearing up to kill them both).  
"He...Hey Man! Look! Weebles wobble! But they don't fall down!" the Specialist gasped, quoting a commercial they'd all seen that morning.

Rodimus opened his mouth, obviously gearing up for a real Prime reaming. No sound emerged though - the mouth just hung open while Rodi's eyes refocused on the screen.

The chair's joints screamed but held the incredible stresses of Magnus' laughter.  
"It's true..." Marissa mused, as if to herself, "It does seem like defiance of all the laws of physics that he didn't end up on the floor..."

The first snicker escaped from Rodi's throat. He glared all the more fiercely at his City Commander for it, obviously fighting to maintain his righteous anger. The second snicker apparently caught Rodi off guard as his eyes widened in surprise when it got loose. Lancer drew back to stare solemnly at her mate, and then grinned, pulling back more. She knew when an eruption was forthcoming.

Jazz wagged his finger helplessly at Rodimus, who they could all see bravely fighting the beast of mirth which was overwhelming him. Marissa stared between Rodimus and the screen in wonderment - she couldn't quite believe EITHER spectacle. KC was already laughing quietly, but when Rodimus finally lost control he took everyone else in the room down with him. Jazz was quite clearly in pain - grimacing and moaning even as he wiped the tears off his face. Lancer and Rodimus clung to each other and roared. Pagan lost a few scales in addition to her composure, mostly because the baby began laughing with what she sensed. Talon laughed until a sullen Magnus turned around to glare at him, at which point the explosives expert showed Rodimus how laughter containment SHOULD be done.

Magnus glared at his drunk image with something like hatred, right up to the point he met his "friend." He actually DID vaguely remember this moment. He remembered the fight a little too, and how ludicrous it seemed that these stupid men, who didn't have the sense to lust after women they KNEW, who deliberately incapacitated themselves with alcohol, should try to take on Rodimus Prime, assassin, and Shellshock - a modified human construct with enough repressed rage to destroy worlds. What utter nonsense! And the drunkards didn't even have the mental capacity to FIND OUT what they were facing! Even after seeing Rodimus and Shellshock defeat opponent after opponent, they had LET a few simple words from him get them involved! They DESERVED to be throttled for that!

Suddenly he was laughing with the rest of them, although he knew he could never ever tell Rodimus why.

Rodimus missed the part where he shattered the man's arm...he had his face buried in Lancer's hair. It was probably better that way.

The girls got to relive their arrival, and Jazz got his first, mortifying look at his treatment of KC while he was drunk. He watched her fending off his hands while she helped him get up the stairs and blushed a vibrant scarlet. It didn't help when Rodi teased him about trying on Hot Rod's colors.

Magnus smacked himself in the face when he saw himself puke on his poor "friend," and all three of them gawked in disbelief at the all out puke and sob session in the back of Prime's trailer.

"He's never gonna forgive us for that one," Rodimus said in a horrified whisper.

"No he isn't," Magnus and Jazz said in unison. They didn't really notice though since all three of them were staring in transfixed terror at the screen.

"He'll never let us forget it either," Rodimus said.

"No," the other two answered.

By this point both Marissa AND Lancer were trying to salvage the last of their mascara as it ran down their carefully made-up cheeks. KC, unaccustomed to makeup, looked like she had two black eyes.

"We're doomed," Rodimus said.

"Doomed," the others nodded.

"There's only one thing left to do," he said calmly, "We have to kill Talon now."

"Kill Talon," Magnus and Jazz agreed, with zombie-like inflection.

Talon began backing, ever so slowly, towards the door.

The girls nodded at each other - deciding to be generous to their beloved mates, and let them have the honors. Pagan's grin seemed to engulf her whole face.

The threesome stood slowly, and turned to face Talon.

"Eeeep," he said, making a rush for the door.

They landed on him in unison.


End file.
